Напрочь испорчены впечатления от ОАЭ Completely spoiled impressions of the UAE

I have never written a review before, but while on vacation I realized that I could not keep silent. .
My husband and I went to relax on a delayed honeymoon trip, decided not to save money, chose a five-star all-inclusive hotel.
Flying with Aeroflot. There - normally, back - later.
We were picked up from the airport by an individual transfer from the hotel (there were two of us, we didn’t expect it. The driver was good, we drove for about an hour, he helped to load and unload things, there were no complaints about the driver).
They settled us in a room - when booking they indicated that they were newlyweds - the hotel ignored us and did not provide any present. There weren't even swans made of towels. Yes, even towels in 5 stars for 2 adults were 3 (THREE) pieces - 2 large and one small (then they asked for more).

The bathroom - in general, it turned out to be just a song to get into the shower - you had to climb over the toilet to get out - a similar operation on the already wet floor (and in order to reach the toilet paper holder from the toilet - climb through the bidet, the architects of the room decided).
The room itself is large. It is spacious, the presence of a kitchen is a plus, but we only used a refrigerator. And the kitchen was closed at night - there was a smell coming from there, which is a minus.
A large balcony for two rooms - convenient, things were dried in the salted hours on our balcony.
Finishing the part about the room, it is necessary to note the cleaning, haha.
"Cleaned" every day, but the dirt and dust behind the bed, as they were, remained until the end, except that then they pushed the bedside table. My towels were not fundamentally changed, apparently. My husband had them hanging next to the shower, mine - outside the door on a hook, but the old ones hung for three days. The ashtray on the balcony was also changed twice during the whole week, that is, the balcony was rarely visited. But they didn’t go to the second toilet in principle - toilet paper didn’t appear there even once, after arrival (they removed the roll from the “main” toilet, where they report, then there was enough for two rooms).
So the restaurant! For such a huge hotel restaurant, decide to limit yourself to a restaurant the size of an average cafe. As a result, on Fridays and Saturdays, when local Arabs and crowds of Indians come, the queues for the restaurant line up for 2 hours (the line is already at the end in the photo, in fact, everything is much worse). You come, call the number and wait until a table is free for your number of people. In total: Friday and Saturday, when the weekend, queues from locals await you (who will be given every preference), on the rest of the days - queues from crowds of German pensioners, Russian families with 3-10 children and other unfortunates to relax here (this is a punket, rather, to the fact that it is contraindicated here to relax as a couple, because only pensioners and crying children will surround you on the beach, in the restaurant).

Nutrition. We, as I said, took "all inclusive". I am a very picky eater, but my husband is not. If in Tunisia there was at least fries in 5 stars, on which I survived, then here it was not. Therefore, often my dinner consisted of a piece of bread, soft potatoes, lettuce and a glass of sprite (at the end we got to Al-Hamra Mall, had a snack there in Subway). In general, for the restaurant and food, I put a terrifying minus, because. It's definitely not 5 star.
By the way, before the trip, I often read in other reviews about a miserable selection of fruits and thought that these were just fairy tales. But no, there really are almost no fruits - yes, there were oranges and apples, even some kind of salad finely chopped with the same oranges and apples, plus tiny pieces of watermelon and melon (green to horror, there was a feeling that this was a layer from a melon crust, and not normal pulp), but the greenness of fruits and vegetables (tomatoes were also green) can be explained by the fact that they just grow there or they bring it.
I’ll also say separately about the waiters - the most pleasant Japanese / Korean girls. Friendly, always smiling and ready to help. The rest will smile at you if you are local or German.
Sea and beach. On the first day, the sea seemed to be boiling water, as if you were going into a hot bath (on the third day it became somehow more familiar, it even seemed cool).
There are enough sun loungers, but it is already impossible to find in the shade by 9 am. Half of the umbrellas on the beach are not working - they do not have a roof. Therefore, we did not particularly linger on the beach, we swam, sunbathed, swam - in the room. The shower is far from the sea, we circled from the sea to the shower, then back to the sunbed. And all for a small broken shell, which, well, is not at all fine white sand. But in the water and at the edge, the sand is really nice and soft.
Dirt in the water appeared at the end of the rest: papers, candy wrappers, bottles floated. The same lay on the shore.
There are no jellyfish and construction sites (but at the end of the vacation at 4 am outside the window they drilled mercilessly outside the hotel).
Bottled water was provided near the beach.

It is also important to note that elevators break down periodically. One time he got stuck with people inside, another time we got stuck when the fire alarm went off. But we were lucky - the light went out for 5 seconds, while the elevator decided to get to another floor, where, thanks, it opened the doors.
Now the most pleasant - on the second day of rest I was poisoned. And I continued to poison myself with something until the end of my vacation (I still suffer from acute poisoning). we did not eat anywhere else at the beginning of the holiday. We didn't take alcohol, so there aren't many options. Therefore, returning to the beginning of the review, the flight back became just a fairy tale for me: the night before my departure, I dreamed of an ambulance, not a single tablet of coal / filter, etc. didn't help. As a result, I fainted on the plane.
In general, the post-wedding vacation in a FIVE-STAR HOTEL FOR 155 (ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-FIVE (!!!!!! ) THOUSAND flew away. It's a shame, terrible (and still bad).
Among the few pluses - perhaps an excursion to Dubai. We took an individual one from the same guide Beck, known here from numerous reviews (we agreed via mail and whatsapp, while we were still in Moscow, quickly and easily. The price is actually the same as through the offers of tour operators, but here you go with a guide and do not depend on others). Beck is a very nice young man, he drove us in an air-conditioned car (otherwise you can go crazy in the UAE). We visited the main sights and took pictures. We walked around the Dubai Mall (in my opinion, it is also big and stupid). The fountains danced very beautifully) But the zoo and the aquarium were not particularly impressed . . At the end of the tour, we were brought back to the hotel.
Dubai itself is, of course, unusual. And in general the concept of the UAE. Burj Khalifa (just get ready for wild queues at the entrance, a printout of a pre-purchased ticket (otherwise it’s useless and scary to meddle at all), inspection, going up to the bathhouse, etc. ), Burj Al Arab - all this is fascinating (but at the same time, some kind of empty and cold).
BUT:

when we arrived at the Dubai airport, it would seem that the coolest city in the safest country, which is repeated on every corner, I found a knife near the toilet. Just a knife. Kitchen knife. Just laying next to the toilet. When I called the airport employee with round eyes, who on his face showed disgust at the fact that a woman turned to him (by the way, for some reason this is a separate story, if one of the locals is walking towards you, they will not turn off the path, somehow they don’t really like women tourists there), I pointed at the knife for a long time, explaining in English that there was a knife here, is this normal? The employee shied away from me with undisguised hostility and pretended not to notice anything. Then two Arab guys came up and explained to him in Arabic what I was talking about. But the employee continued to pretend that - and what is it, in fact? Then a fourth man came up, another airport employee, who asked, is this your knife? To my crazed "of course not, " he said, well, then everything is fine. FINISH.
This is the point that was put on my relations with the UAE.
Perhaps we were so terribly unlucky (although during our stay at the hotel, we saw 4 people / couples who argued with the guide about food, accommodation, hotel, queues and the quality of everything). But I STRONGLY DO NOT recommend this hotel. And, unfortunately, the impressions of the country are completely spoiled and we will definitely not return here again.