How I was in Germany (or My business trip)

11 May 2013 Travel time: with 29 July 2011 on 01 august 2011
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Business trip to Germany

August 2010

The airport. (almost like A. Hailey) 

No, whatever you say, but definitely, there is something in such events… Something that should give rise to a sense of comradeship, solidarity, or, as I call it, “a sense of threading”. This feeling in itself is exacerbated when you see your colleagues in an "unformatted", in general, almost even home environment. It's wonderful - you seem to know everyone and at the same time, the same people can or should (as it turns out) open up from a different angle.

So, it was a business trip. For a three days. To Germany. Foreign country. With which historically there are certain associations. This is probably why, when we walked along the “sleeve” to the plane, the “Nautilus” was spinning in my head: “shackled by one goal - connected by one chain ... ”  Or vice versa ...I don’t remember already. 

Deutschland, Deutschland ü ber alles…

Sl. Fallersleben, music. haydn,

formerly called

"Song of the Kaiser".

We have arrived.


Munich met with restraint, but not viciously. In other words, it was cool, but no rain. +18.

To be honest, there was nothing particularly exotic, except for a considerable number of Arabs and Arab women with Arab chats, in the port. Well, a port is like a port. We found the reception desk where we were supposed to rent cars. We settled into cars.

German roads ...Oooooh - a few words will not do here. Below I will dwell on this topic. In the meantime, a small remark - the autobahn in Germany, this is serious ...I missed the exit a little, and then you saw 15-20 kilometers, at least until the next one. Yes, about congresses ...On the second day, when in total almost 700 km were “wound”, I suddenly became puzzled - that's strange - no matter which side, no matter how many kilometers we drive, no matter where (!! ! ! ! ) I am everywhere I pass this city, which is indicated by signs with the name "Ausfahrt" ...

Later they explained to me that this word means “exit or exit” ...  

A bunch of traffic lights, turns, signs (in German! ! ! ), rush hour - a lot of cars ...The difficulty is also that the German font with its, if it is not good for the Gothic style, is generally unreadable. And if you consider that all this had to be done on the move ...

They didn’t dare to leave the car in Russian and dump it quietly, as it turned out later, they did the right thing. It just seemed like no one was around. Parking on the street assumes parking for no more than two hours. You have to pay extra for the next time. And, right on time. Minute by minute. So, when parking in the city, you need to look only for covered underground or surface parking lots. Payment in them is not hourly, paying once, you can park the car for almost a day.

Having almost historically reunited with colleagues at Marienplatz, while waiting for the guide, I managed to take a picture of a group of informal people there, hanging out here, in the very center of German history.


And finally, the whole group, we wandered on an excursion for our guide. She probably did her job well, enthusiastically talking about the square, reverently accompanying us to a nearby church, in which, if I understood correctly, the stained-glass windows were really ancient, since they were laid out by hand from real pieces of smalt.

I was also impressed by the layout of Munich cast in metal. With all the lanes, houses and areas. A kind of immortalized navigator. Useful stuff, I guess. Google, with its direct dependence on the availability of the Internet, is simply resting. Too bad you can't take it with you.

Also, the monument surprised me. Not so much the monument itself. A monument in full growth, on a pedestal, but all hung with hearts and photographs of Michael Jackson. That is, it is clear that he was worshiped here. But why exactly here remains a mystery.

Yellow cloth road

a segment of seven cubits and five arshins -

tested in width

By the way, while still on the plane, watching from above, as if with the help of a pencil and a ruler, you remember the German designer from childhood, where you lay out panels from houses, trees, stations ...Everything is like in the picture.

Multi-lane road. Clear, as if just lined lines, the road itself without a single crack, the car rushes under 160, and you drive and don’t feel it.

A lot was surprising.

For example, we looked frightened at the mirrors several times, because during the rebuilding there was such a sound as if a police car was driving not far behind us ...And only then we realized that the lanes were covered with some kind of composition that when you cross them, this sound is made, so that the driver understands that he has changed lanes. Having doubted their conclusions, they even decided to check and listen to how the path “beeps” - they rearranged back and forth, and for sure - it beeps : -))

They looked with envy at how, in the event of traffic jams, no one drives along a completely free right lane. Everyone is in line. Someone wanted to overtake, he immediately gave way. They are disciplined. Civilized.


Also, they, as I understand it, do not have dachas and gardens. That is why people travel. There are a lot of cars to which a kind of kung is attached, in other words - a house on wheels. There are a lot of cars that have such a special platform for transporting bikes in the back ...

Pointers, signs, roadsides are all in perfect condition.

Parking lots - every ten kilometers, there is an exit from the autobahn to a specially designated lane, where there are tables, garbage cans and a toilet.

Let me dwell on this, sometimes critical, issue separately.

At one of these parking lots (between cities!!! ) we turned. Half of our group remained in the car, half headed in the direction set by the body. The first phrase upon returning - Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! ! !

We arrived at the hotel at half past midnight.

Hotel. (Almost like Hailey  )

The hotel we stayed at was located in a place called Gerhardshofen on Birnbaum Street and was a kind of mix of Russian, almost Novgorod style (because everything was made of wood), German Gothic and playful, in this mix, Rococo.

We arrived first. The owners were already asleep. Therefore, we were met by our colleague, who arrived there a few days earlier.

For some reason I was very thirsty. I even do not know why.

But the bar was closed (a bar to buy at least mineral water), there was no cooler either. And there was nothing to drink. Not to mention tea and other delights.

In the courtyard there were wooden tables, benches, a pond nearby ...Sitting down for a while at these tables in the courtyard, they chatted, exchanging impressions and deciding what and how it would be tomorrow ...casually looking at the impeccable expanse of the pond and solving the dilemma - should I go, have a drink or something ? . ..

Fortunately, I remembered that somewhere in the bag there was half a bottle of water, bought back in Sheremetyevo 


The next day, after work was done, there was free time. Everyone was interested in shoes. We were advised one wonderful village, where, according to reviews, there was a super store with a good choice and quite loyal prices, which, by the way, did not affect the quality. Let's go there. Yes, the store is really cool. And the village is amazing. Not close. But when they arrived, they did not regret it. And it is called beautifully, melodically like this - Hö chstadt-on-Aisch (HÖ chstadt an der Aisch). Coming back, I photographed the surroundings, but on the way almost all of them turned out to be blurry. More or less, only some horses, fields, and valleys turned out. The bad luck is that I'm still a photographer, it will immediately be clear on the pictures what I'm talking about    Driving through the villages, we never ceased to be surprised at the desertedness of the streets. Where all the people were is still a mystery to me.

However, I will return to this topic.

It was completely dark when we arrived at the hotel, and there was a wedding in one of the canteen halls : -)) a real one : -)) Trying not to interfere, we left the bags in the rooms, and, as usual, poured out into the courtyard to exchange impressions. We didn’t count on the bar and the owners, so we bought a few bottles of beer, chips before that, and bought cherries, strawberries, sweets and even a bottle of dry wine for something : -) 8 degrees), began to discuss the impressions of the past day, along the way from the heart of my bones to the bride, discussing her half-back tattoo : -)))

Beautiful old castles.

Battlements of their gray towers

As if pouring a little visible light,

And he is strange and terrible,

Silent fire of past victories

Their proud face is decorated.

Lifting bridges and ditches, -

Closed possessions.

Here at night the cry of an owl is heard,

Ghosts roam here.

And the sigh of gray grass is strange

At the hour of the lunar eclipse.

It was the last day of our stay in Germany. And not just the last day. Free day. When you could wander around as much as you like, and not look at the clock, and not rush anywhere. When there was freedom of choice and movement.

We decided to visit one of the ancient castles, surrounded by a moat with water and swans, located in a wonderful city called Mespelbrunn. However, to get to this historical miracle, it was necessary to refuel.

Refueling…. Oh, I can't miss this episode...

To make the picture extremely clear and logical, I will explain something.

By Sunday morning, traveling around the cities and towns, I have repeatedly wondered - where did the people go? On the occasion of the weekend, the faces were empty to the point of creepiness.

No people, no cars… The feelings were exacerbated by closed shops, pharmacies, gas stations… The gas station we stopped at had two pumps, a closed shop and a pay machine, somewhat reminiscent of our pay phone.


By that time we had never refueled. The process was presented only theoretically, and to be more precise, nothing at all. Having stopped at the nearest parking lot, located in the center of the town, on one of the streets, we parked at our column, and stared at it in puzzlement.

The need to insert the gun into the tank was clear. It remained a mystery - how to fill a full tank, not knowing the capacity of this tank and not understanding how to pay for this service. We talked with the machine, realized that he demanded 80 euros, paid with a bank card.

We still continued to stand and argue how to determine “how much to hang in grams” and what would happen if it suddenly turned out that we took more gasoline than could fit in the tank. It was somehow uncomfortable ...While they were discussing how to be and what would happen if it was wrong to fill in the amount of gasoline, suddenly something clicked, the button turned on and gasoline poured out.

Eight women froze in a dumb stupor ...

In all colors, I vividly imagined how now gasoline would pour out of a gas tank directly onto the asphalt, and my imagination helpfully provided a complete storyboard of the consequences - gasoline is pouring, a gas station is blazing, our cars are blazing, firefighters, hoses, smoke, explosions ...

As once Alexander Matrosov rushed to the embrasure of an enemy pillbox, I rushed onto the road, trying to catch at least someone ...However, I confess - I "rushed" that morning, it's loudly said - there was no one there. No people, no cars.

But I jumped and waved my arms there very desperately.

Meanwhile, gasoline was pouring out. Still in the tank for now...

Luckily, a passenger car was passing by ...With a cry of “Help mi! ! ! “I almost lay down on the hood. There was a woman in the car. Whether frightened by the hood, or, they just do it like that, she graciously stopped. While I, with all dedication, made my somersaults on the hood, it already became clear that as soon as the tank is filled, the fuel supply is turned off automatically.

…. . It was obvious that the man was in a hurry somewhere. But this woman in detail, adjusting her plans on the go, tried to explain how money is withdrawn and returned in this machine. Thanks her. Her patience. Courtesy.


Omitting the artistic part, and speaking seriously, here's what happens:

A card is inserted into the machine, on which there must be at least 80 euros. This is the minimum pay.

As soon as the required amount is poured into the tank, the gun automatically turns off, or, as the girls said, but I liked it, “fights off”. . Data on the amount of fuel filled in is entered into the computer database, and the excess part of the money is returned back to the card.

And yet, at the gas station, we found such a container attached, looking into the hole, we found thin cellophane gloves there so that our hands would not stink of gasoline after refueling. Such is the concern 

We were heading to Mespelbrunn to see the castle.

This castle was located 50 km from Frankfurt am Main or 140 km from the village in which we lived. It started to rain. In autumn drizzling and cold.

There was a feeling that somehow we ended up, let's say, in the 18th century. We walked along a winding path to the castle, past trees that had seen a lot of things ...

We knew there was a pond near this castle and we were told there were swans there.

Especially for them, they took bread from the hotel canteen.

There was no Russian-speaking guide, audio tours in Russian too, and we went on our own.

The rain intensified.

Indeed, in the park that adjoined the castle, there was a beautiful pond, and two swans even swam in it. But I didn’t want to go to them in the rain, and in general, I wanted to get to the castle itself as soon as possible, which, as in a fairy tale, was surrounded by a moat filled with water, and there was a small bridge across it. In the water swam, trout in huge numbers. They also sold food for them.

At the entrance to the castle itself, gently, but strongly, a boy - a guard - blocked the road for us.

- Sie sprechen Deutsch?

- Vous parlez franç ais?

- Do you speak English?

I was already fed up with showing off in linguistic attempts, so I blurted out in a simple way:

- Yes, we are Russian!

Hearing something like:


-Oh-ho-ho! ! ! Healthy bulls! - we stared at him like New Zealand natives at the Marco Polo ...

The guy explained to us that it is impossible to enter the castle without a guide. But the guides are only German-speaking. So, if we want to see how it is there, inside the castle, we can join them.

Wanted to see...

Moving from hall to hall, we stared around and didn’t understand a damn thing about what the guide was saying, we just listened to how the German language sounds, coloring it in our own, visible only to us, colors, simultaneously imagining how it is in these same rooms a knight walked around, a kind of hospitaller with a symbol of valor dragging along the floor - his sword ...

Something like this, well, or something like that ...

There was more than enough time and we decided to move on to another town with a rich historical past and a large castle - Wurzburg.

Other cities. Wü rzburg and Bamberg.

I don't need my legs anymore

Let them turn into a fish tail!

A. Akhmatova

Wü rzburg is a very old settlement, with a 2000-year history, located on the banks of the Main River: one bank is gentle, it was convenient for ships to moor there, and the other is steep, there has been a fortress for centuries, and the bank is so steep that you involuntarily wonder - how could such a fortification be stormed at all? Here, for now, you’ll just take a lady’s handbag ...As the poet used to say: “Oh, there were people in our time, not like the current tribe ... ” it seems so : -))

As soon as the goal of our run was castles, we did not go anywhere, but to the fortress of Marienberg. It was located on a high hill. When my legs, as it seemed, were worn down to the very ankles, when every muscle ached, my heart was beating somewhere in my throat, and I already began to feel not the legendary Annie Peck, but that hero from the children's story “I See” about Suvorov crossing with soldiers across the Alps, an observation platform suddenly appeared.

My God! ! ! The whole city was in full view! ! !

The panorama is just amazing!


You can clearly see both the cathedral and the bridge, and the red tiled roofs...The fortress itself was built in 1201, later it became the residence of local archbishops. Of course, it was rebuilt several times, but even today it is a fairly powerful impregnable fortification. In the very center there is a high tower and a well. Now there is a museum here.

I have read all this at home, on the Internet. I also read about the fact that in the Middle Ages from 1626 to 1630 more than 900 "witches" were burned here. The last such trial took place here in 1749.

Such are the harsh manners.

It was our last day in Germany, therefore, having decided to use it to the fullest, we discovered a third wind in ourselves and at half past seven in the evening decided on a trip to another city ...about thirty kilometers or something ...

In my opinion, it was the most beautiful and fabulous city! That's right to my liking. Fell in love with him at first sight and unconditionally!

True, I also really, really liked Wü rzburg.

Bamberg - Bavarian Rome (UNESCO World Heritage)

Bamberg was declared a world cultural heritage by UNESCO, and in 1981 officially received the status of a national treasure of Germany, and today Bamberg is the residence of the archbishop. Here Hegel worked and the great scientist Wasserman (yes, the same  ) was born, and the famous Bamberg Symphony Orchestra is one of the largest in Europe.

The city was divided into two parts: episcopal and city, this division has been preserved to this day. In the episcopal part there is a cathedral and the residence of the bishop, in the city part there are half-timbered houses of wealthy citizens. There is an interesting attraction in Bamberg with a rather curious history - the Old Town Hall, which was mentioned for the first time in the 14th century. According to legend, the archbishop of Bamberg did not want to give the townspeople a single millimeter of his land.

Then the Bambergers drove the piles right into the river, creating an island right on the river. O

A number of beautiful old houses, located on the banks of the Regnitz, are affectionately called by the inhabitants of the city "Little Venice". Most of the elegant, restored houses of the former fishing village were built in the Middle Ages. Balconies and small gardens with moorings for boats add a romantic atmosphere.


On the Lower Bridge, the monument to Kunigunde is impressive, more precisely, it is a copy of the monument. This patroness of Bamberg and the saint. The original, made in 1750 by Burkert, is kept in the church of St. James. This sculpture is the only one that survived after the flood of 1784 that destroyed the bridge.

A hundred years after the death of Henry and Kunigundy, they were elevated to the rank of saints of the Catholic Church. There are many traditions and legends associated with these names.

Turning onto one of the streets, we saw a number of shops, among them was one, from the showcase of which I simply could not tear myself away, then returning to this place several more times.

It was a wooden toy store. I heard something about this kind of art, or folk craft, but I could not imagine how wonderful it is! Looking at this magic, I remembered something from the institute lectures - after all, it was here, in Bamberg, that Hoffmann composed his fairy tales (which, alas, for some reason remained incomprehensible to me).

In the illuminated shop window, in spite of July, in the corner stood a Christmas tree with lit lights, and next to it, tastefully, in a really fabulous way, arranged toys. Some graceful spinning merry-go-rounds with little men, figures of animals, gnomes, fairy-tale characters somehow coming to life...And they were all small, graceful, alive...and wooden! And, by the way, very expensive.

Shops, on the occasion of the weekend in principle and the late hours in particular, were closed, so I just began to take a picture of the window. A strange feeling - it's August and here it is - a real Christmas fairy tale ...

By the way, there, not far from the bridge, on a solid pedestal, I found a strange sculpture. Either men or women...Strange in its eerieness...It's not even a sculpture. And not even a bust ...Returning to it several times and trying to understand what it is, deserving a location in the city center, I did not find an answer.

Out of her ignorance, she christened this creation for herself "The roof was blown away", on which she calmed down.

The airport. Or the Big Race show.


Returning the day before after a busy day of sightseeing, tired as slaves on Guadeloupe sugar plantations, we decided to prepare for tomorrow's decisive and last forced march - returning home.

And there were no traffic jams either. Yes, everyone was in a hurry, everyone was doing their business, everyone was busy, but no one interfered with anyone, somehow everyone behaved politely, patiently, kindly and with respect.

So we drove. Your dear. No panic, calm and calm. There was plenty of time. The plane took off at 12:30 local time. Munich is 3 hours away. Everything was well-calculated - we can safely drive, refuel the car and hand it over in the form in which we took it. Well, as usual, register and all that ...

Meanwhile, our navigator, apparently for fun, finally, instead of the airport, took us to the center of Munich.

As my favorite Gotsman used to say from the series "Liquidation" - "oil painting": Morning. Rush hour. Unfamiliar city. Language. Dvizhuha from the machines is not childish ...It seems that fate offered to remind you of forgotten sensations. Only the task became more complicated - the time was set. And it was limited. And the consequences could be very different.

As if by some silent command, everyone in the car pulled themselves together. No one was hysterical, did not ask unnecessary questions, did not swear. Although I wanted to ...In the car, it hung “Calmly. We'll make it. Everything will be fine. "...Having given a few circles in the wrong place, already almost masterfully owning his favorite: " Excuse me please. Would you help? ...”I caught someone a couple of times ...In the end it turned out that we were 32 km from the airport.

The apparent calmness in the interior of the car was an illusion that everyone supported with all their might. Full concentration ...And ...nevertheless, we left for the port. The next tour is to find a gas station, as the car had to be returned with a full tank.

Having made the third round, we could not understand in any way where the entrance to the terminal we needed was.

An hour has passed. In the end, we stopped near the first terminal building.

Alerting “Would you help?


”, on a completely empty, for some reason, sidewalk in front of the airport terminal, by the way, one of the largest airports in the world, I saw the target - a lonely man walking towards me, red-haired, like an Irish setter. She appeared before him, like Sivka-Burka, and not at all firmly convinced that we would understand each other, in desperation tried to explain herself not only with the help of vocabulary but also with pantomime ...I don’t know how it looked from the outside, but after a few minutes of this performance, apparently, the redhead decided that I was flirting with him.

I had a borderline state - either desperately burst into tears, or frenziedly swear at him. But there is also a third option...

“…One moment please wait…”…of course! ! ! How did I forget?

I began to call my son - thanks to the gray hair that I carefully concealed - he speaks English perfectly. Thank God he quickly picked up the phone.

Trying to speak as quickly as possible, she began to explain: “Son, ask him - how can we get to the terminal where cars are parked, and where can we refuel with diesel fuel, where is the gas station? We are late for the plane ...”Having quickly chattered, she handed the phone to this man. Somehow explained.

Trying not to look at the clock...

In order to refuel, it was necessary to leave the city a little. There, too, some uncles helped, to whom I pestered with the word "Diesel" ...

We rented a car without any problems, flew into the terminal building with carts. By some intuition, I managed to find everything very, very quickly, and register ....

As soon as I got into the cabin of the plane, I didn’t even have time to think about anything ....Just turned off...

Hello motherland.

And the smoke of the fatherland is sweet and pleasant to us.

A. S. Griboyedov "Woe from Wit"

Fatherland and smoke are sweet and pleasant to us.

G. R. Derzhavin

Whenever I could see Griboedov

We were all greeted in an organized manner and carefully taken home. I can imagine how tired our drivers are - after all, it is not difficult for everyone to imagine what it is like to drive from Sheremetyevo at 18-00 ...Leningrad ....“How much has merged in this sound for the Russian heart! How much resonated with him! "…. Stuffiness, smog, traffic jams ...Looking out the window at 6 lanes of a four-lane road, where, in discord, whoever wanted, and who was at what much, according to some unknown rules of their own, "walked" atomic cars, out of place I remembered the German autobahn ...


Khimki… Oh! ! ! Those castles! ! ! With and without turrets… Maybe there are even ditches and swans inside the yards… Only knights hardly live there…

Finally I'm home! ! ! After chatting with her son, she sat down at the table, put her bored fingers on the keyboard, and ...looking around at her little house, her kitchenette, her computer, she quietly said: “Well, hello. Here I am. » : )))

August 2011

Translated automatically from Russian. View original
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