Худший отдых в моей жизни! Worst vacation of my life!

All the best!

I want to build the story a little differently than usual - there will not be a story consisting of a series of successive events, but thematic sections or blocks dedicated to various aspects of recreation (nature, hotels, entertainment, food, excursions, etc. )

From the author (can be skipped).

Have you already read reviews about the Maldives? Probably not one or two reviews, right? How many times have you seen the word "paradise" in these reviews? Ten, twenty, a hundred times? For example, this association made me feel sick for the tenth time. Of course, all subjective opinions have a place to be, but now you have my subjective: there is NO heaven there! These are ordinary tiny atolls located in the subequatorial monsoon climate (i. e. +30 during the day, +25 at night), palm trees and sand.

Since childhood, I had a dream to visit the Republic of Maldives, because, like, "paradise" and all that. . . I visited and descended from heaven to earth. If you have not traveled further than Tuapse or Lazarevsky, then the Maldives may indeed seem like a paradise on Earth to you. Well, if you, at least, rested in primitive Turkish 4 *, then crazy delight, in theory, should not arise. I was lucky enough to visit 8 hotels there (respectively 8 islands) from standard 4 * to premium luxury 5 *, so there is something to compare with. My impressions are only MY impressions and you can either accept them or express your disagreement (well, if you have already been there, of course).

Introduction.

So, the program is ultra mega duper bi-turbo all inclusive plus. Departure from Sheremetyevo (direct flights only with Aeroflot) 05/26/2018, return there on 07/03/2018.

Hotels in order of visit:

I want to note right away that I am very pleased with the fact that I did not stay in one hotel for more than 24 hours, because one day on the island was enough for me to feel and enjoy.

The eight-hour flight on an Airbus did not seem tiring in either direction - there were many interesting films in the headrests. The plane was filled to about 85%. Male Airport - A small unprepossessing barn through which 90% of transfers from hotel to hotel were carried out. There is a seaport and an airport.

Transfer.

The transfer should be given a separate block of the story, since the Maldives are 1190 small islands scattered over 90.000 square meters. km. in the Indian Ocean, between which you need to somehow get over.

On average, a transfer from hotel to hotel took approximately two and a half hours (including all transfers). They were either speedboats, or hydroplanes, or ordinary boats. Now a few words about each:

I got into a light storm, just on a speedboat right after an eight-hour flight. It was the longest two-hour transfer that left a bright spot of green-brown color in my memories. The woman sitting in front of me was sick and vomiting all the way. The rest of the people in the boat were also not happy with such a swim.

On the island-airfield, hotels have their own lounge-waiting areas, which are equipped with free wi-fi and air conditioning (unlike the airport barn), coffee machines, juices and snacks. Such lounge-zones pleasantly brighten up the waiting time before departure / departure.

80% of transportation was carried out through Male airport, i. е. first an hour to the south, then an hour to the north, instead of sailing 20 minutes immediately to the west. At the airport there are always people from the host side of the hotel who help board the boat and carry suitcases.

Nature.

I was in the low season - summer. The heat is not suffocating, as in Egypt, at night it is generally very comfortable. In principle, we were incredibly lucky with the weather - it rained every other day, and even then for 10-15 minutes. They said it had been raining heavily for a month before. There is almost no wind. Warm ocean water near the islands, turquoise due to sand and shallow water, looks gorgeous.

White coral sand is beautiful - fine, soft and not hot. On small islands there is no garbage at all, on those that are larger (Sun Island, Adaaran Hundhuranfushi) in some places there are waste products of vacationers. In general, the beach is well looked after - every morning the beaches are swept from numerous fallen leaves.

Lily Beach Resort & Spa 5*

The islands are full of geckos and lizards. Water chickens run, herons and foxes fly. The latter I did not manage to photograph at close range. Lots of crabs near the shore. Mosquitoes were not seen, ants did not bother. In many hotels, stingrays are fed in the evenings, and in some, sharks. These creatures are already swimming to the shore by a certain time.

99% of the corals have been dead since 1998 due to El Niñ o, but there are colorful fish. Not as many, of course, as in the Red Sea, but there is. No sponges, no algae, just gray fossils. It is extremely rare to find clowns in sea anemones, nothing more. I saw once a turtle and once a moray eel, no jellyfish were seen. Small reef sharks swim. Stingrays come only in the evening to feed. For those who are familiar with the Red Sea, the underwater world will seem poor.

Hotels.

Each hotel occupies a separate island. There were islands and 50x200 m, there were also 200x700 m. Almost all hotels have beautiful equipped places for SPA procedures, gyms and tennis / football fields. The chip of all hotels is sand on the floor in the dining rooms, a bathroom on the street (own, fenced with a wall), two sinks, sometimes two showers. As a rule, there are 3 categories of rooms (I visited absolutely all of them):

Banyan Tree 5*

In many hotels, villas have 2 entrances - one from the side of the island, the other from the side of the beach. The entrance from the side of the beach is always equipped with a veranda with a sofa and water in order to wash your feet from sand when entering the room. Here in Banyan Tree 5 *, for example, there was generally a well-kept patio with a swimming pool and a private piece of the beach with sun loungers and a gazebo. In general, each bungalow has its own sunbeds, so you don’t have to go to the beach before breakfast and lay out towels there (as is usually done in budget Turkish hotels). I can’t say anything about cleaning the rooms, because I didn’t stay more than a day. Towels are all high quality, there are disposable toothbrushes and pastes.

Food.

Buffet. The food is fresh, high quality and delicious. The choice is not multiperdose, but there is. In hotels where there is a small selection, the food is still of high quality. Fruit disappointed - mostly imported, tasteless and the choice is small. Only bananas and pineapples were good. Often sour or unripe. Vegetables are also so-so... The meat was fried deliciously, the fish is also good. There were no squids, no octopuses, no shrimp, it seems (with the exception of 5 * hotels). The Lily Beach Resort & Spa 5 * generally had a huge selection of all kinds of food and, even, a whole showcase with moldy French cheeses (delicious, by the way). Although the lychee there still turned out to be sour. For alcohol in each hotel in different ways: where it is included, where for extra. fee, so this aspect is discussed at the stage of booking. In almost all hotels, any alcohol was included in my hotel. Sweets (cakes, pastries) are also very worthy. At Banyan Tree 5 * for dinner, I was served fried reef fish with a rusty nail on a beautiful dish. Then, of course, a man came - bowed, apologized, but there was such a precedent.

This is how they fed at dinner

Entertainment.

Due to the fact that water is around, almost all entertainment involves communication with this element. These are all kinds of skiing, diving and swimming. Fins and masks are available for rent. There are sailing catamarans, boats with a transparent hull (look at the fish), ordinary boats, surfs, kites, jet skis and hoverboards. For me, the last two types of devices were of the greatest interest. I rode jet skis at Sun Island Resort & Spa 4 * and at Lily Beach Resort & Spa 5 *, they gave them without problems. About riding on this device, I think it makes no sense to write, because you will not surprise anyone. But very few people are familiar with the hoverboard. In fact, this is a structure rigidly fixed on the legs (sometimes on the arms), which pushes the body out of the water by means of the pressure of the water ejected from the nozzles, which, in turn, is pumped by the jet ski engine through an 8-meter hose.

An interesting story came out with this thing. In Lily, as soon as I found out about the presence of this crap, I immediately caught fire. I went to the beach to the Water sport booth. There are two monkeys there. I say: “Dear! I really want to ride a hoverboard. ” "Sorry, brother, " they answer, "I've screwed up, it doesn't work. " I ask: “What, did you get it wrong? Don't run at all? " "No way, brother, no way. " Well, I think it doesn’t matter, since there is one here, then it should be in other hotels, I will look for where he works. Well, I’m sitting there near Watersport, sipping a cocktail... After about 10 minutes, Anna, the guest relation manager, comes up and asks: “Well, how are you relaxing? ” I say: “Yes, that’s it... All my life I dreamed of riding a hoverboard, but yours is broken. And he lowered the corners of his lips like that = (. Looks like I’ll have to look elsewhere. ”“ Now, - he says, - I’ll find out. ”Well, she rubbed something with them on the monkey, and, lo and behold, it worked! And the monkeys began to fuss First, about 10 minutes, they launched a more powerful jet ski, then, about 20 minutes, they assembled this structure, unwound and fastened the hose, put a helmet and vest on me. superman I swim to the depths so that all the strength and power of the Kryptonian energy pushes me out of the water. The force pushed me out, but only the flabby earthly body could not curb it. Maintaining balance turned out to be a difficult task. Only after half an hour I began to be able to hang in the air for 10-15 seconds. When it starts to work for the first time, the feeling of hovering above the surface of the water and the feeling of the pressure of the jets under your feet turns on the "God" mode, it's a pity this feeling lasted for me only a few seconds before losing balance. Maximum height, at which I rose - about two, two and a half meters. And falling into the water from such a height, if you didn’t have time to group, I tell you, it’s not comme il faut at all.

When this crap was being collected and after the flights, my dad was spinning around me with his teenager and asking: “How much does it cost? And how much is it worth? Well, how did you like it in general? I say: “Yes, I don’t know how much it costs, I have a special program. ” Then I specifically found out when checking out - $ 130 for 30 minutes.

Lily Beach Resort & Spa 5*

In addition to water activities, hotels have gyms, tennis courts, football fields, and sometimes even mini golf courses. In the evening, on the large islands (where there are many vacationers), various performances and shows are held - local dances, dances, live music, etc.

Excursions.

Excursions, of course, are also all watery. Here are what they offer:

I visited the last two of the above. Now in a nutshell about each.

Turtles. A group of 3 people + 3 people on the boat + 2 female instructors with an underwater camera. Well... they swam to look. How many turtles do you think we saw? We saw zero turtles! But we saw a lot of fossilized gray corals, three and a half coral fish, a tortured shark huddled in stones and a dude from a yacht who swam with us and, pointing his finger at the gray stone bottom, shouted: “Octopus! Octopus!

Dolphins. Departure at 5 am. A bunch of noisy Asians and waiting for the appearance of a fin from the water either from the port side, or from the right. In short, NOTHING…

Excursion "Morning with dolphins"

Theoretically, a trip to the whale shark would be very exciting, provided that, firstly, it will be called and it will definitely come and, secondly, it will be possible to swim, if not nearby, then at least not far from it. I don’t know for sure whether ordinary tourists (not divers) with masks next to it are allowed to swim or not.

About people.

In some hotels, such as Banyan Tree 5*, Angsana Ihuru 5*, Elladhoo by Cinnamon 4*, Lily Beach Resort & Spa 5* (small islands), there are many times more staff than guests. For example, the occupancy of Banyan Tree 5 * at that time was 10%. At Meeru Island Resort & Spa 4*, I was not allowed to dine in a T-shirt.

There was no need to carry bags - specially trained people were engaged in this. In general, they are all trained there: there are drummers - they beat the drums when new vacationers arrive, there are wavers - they wave their hands when vacationers leave, there are gestrelations - they communicate with vacationers, resolve any issues and there are many other different staff, busy with clearly assigned tasks .

In general, the staff is responsive and always ready to help. Often they even quit their job and start dealing with your problem, be it a receptionist or a gardener. People are normal, I didn’t find any negative (at least on the tourist islands).

Money.

Their money is beautiful - different sea creatures are depicted on bright banknotes.

Their money

Standard dinner per person at the hotel - $80; ship from Male to Adaaran Hundhuranfushi 4 * one way - $ 80; cocktail - $ 7-10.10 minutes on a jet ski - $ 30; I already wrote about the hoverboard; a magnet in a 5 * hotel - $ 17 ($ 3 in a deutik); hourly massage - $ 70; alcoholic drinks, as a rule, in hotels for a fee; sunscreen spf 50 at the airport – $50.

And the prices they indicate do not include taxes and tips. In the end, with tax and tips, you get another +15%.

Draw your own conclusions.

Conclusion.

I am very pleased with this concept of relaxation. On the same island, I get bored already on the 2nd day, and here there are a lot of different experiences throughout the entire stay.

When planning a tour, special attention should be paid to the transfer from the airport. People with herniated discs, seasickness, and just the elderly will definitely not be delighted with the boats. Plus, there are subtleties with the schedule of sailing from the port to Male. The best option, of course, is a hydroplane, but the most expensive.

Also, special attention should be paid to the choice of the type of bungalow (see the "Hotels" block) and the type of food policy. Ideally, you should immediately pay for the "Platinum plan" and not worry about the money on the spot. For example, I spent only 20-30 bucks on souvenirs and nothing else.

My old dream came true. After visiting the Maldives, I am already skeptical about the Seychelles, and Mauritius, and so on. If there is an opportunity, I’ll fly, but otherwise, I’m not eager.

Why such a title of the story? Back in school, I was taught that the title, from the point of view of journalism, should be short, catchy and intriguing. All these "paradise" is already an eyesore. It was necessary to come up with something that could interest the reader - the review was not written for me.

Pictures with the "Maldives 2018 R" logo are mine. With "Lily 5* R" logo received on a gift flash drive from Lily Beach Resort & Spa 5*.

Lily Beach Resort & Spa 5*