Ужасный отель Terrible hotel

I had the misfortune to rest at the Limak (Lara) hotel for eight days (late July - early August 2019).
To be honest, not once during my entire vacation in various Turkish hotels did I have such a keen desire to write a review. Who gave this hotel a 5 star deluxe category? The hotel pulls on 3 plus - and in all respects.
The hotel is in dire need of renovation; everything is shabby, shabby - and frankly old. The furniture in the public areas (judging by the appearance) was acquired in the late 90s. Lamps (with plafonds, the design of which was relevant 30 years ago) - apparently, at the same time.

But it's still okay. The worst is food and drink. As well as service. For all the time I was at lunch and dinner, I found once salmon (extremely small), once squid (cut and mixed with vegetables) and once crabs and shrimp, which was already perceived as a frank miracle. The chef doesn't know how to cook! Or maybe he saves? For carrots (in various variations) and wheat were constantly present. I'm not against carrots, I'm generally a vegetarian. But to go to a five-star deluxe hotel to eat carrots???
At 18.45 (opening time) the restaurant is stormed. And rightly so, because after five minutes queues and empty containers begin, where only the name remains of the food. That's interesting, the staff does not know how many people they have? Maybe you should fry the same chicken (one of the chef's favorite dishes) a little more ??
After the restaurant is stormed, a show called "find the waiter" begins. Found? Don't rejoice ahead of time. If you managed to order drinks, this does not mean that they will bring you exactly what you ordered. In 70% of cases, we confused the quantity (one wine instead of two, two water instead of one) and so on. Finding a waiter a second time (to bring something else) is unrealistic. I quickly mastered the principles of self-service, but, unfortunately, there was no cola in their nook. Yes, by the way, tips do not solve the problem.
An attempt to try guzleme on the beach also ended in failure. True, there was a queue (there are queues everywhere, I returned as if in the days of socialism! ). But gozleme? Under this name, the hotel staff understands thin pita bread (ready-made), in which the filling is wrapped and fried on a brazier. I personally have never seen such a disgrace in any hotel so far.
There are six alcoholic and three alcoholic cocktails in the bars. Moreover, in all bars the assortment is the same. An attempt to teach them how to make "Kir Royal" was unsuccessful, because they have no liquor: neither blackcurrant, nor raspberry, nor any other. I was told twice during the rest that the champagne was over. How can a bar run out of champagne?
In general, I had a clear feeling that the hotel saves on everything: from food and drinks to staff. The size of the wine glasses struck me: I believe it is 75 ml, no more. To not drink too much? And the plastic glasses on the beach at the bar are such that you need to take three of them - and they still sag in your hand.

And the smell. . . I was afraid that this smell would haunt me at home. Cheap chemicals for cleaning. It is everywhere: in the lobby, in the bars, in the corridors….
I am writing all this not for someone to improve this hotel (it is impossible). And just to say: people, don't go to this hotel!!!! !