Ёжики плакали, кололись, но продолжали грызть кактус. The hedgehogs cried and pricked themselves, but continued to gnaw on the cactus.

The surrounding nature is stunning – mountains, lush greenery with palm trees and various flowering plants. Beautiful villas surround the area. The city is very beautiful and unique. There are no others like it. The sea is crystal clear, with pebbles of varying sizes – shoes are essential for entering and exiting – otherwise, you'll look like convulsive patients – it's a sad sight to see people crawling on all fours across the pebbles. The hotel doesn't have a beach – it's a 30-meter public stretch, without sun loungers or restrooms, which is used by absolutely everyone. There are changing rooms and showers with ice-cold water. There are many beaches around with sun loungers spaced 20 cm apart, and the shoreline is narrow. Walking along the seashore is simply impossible – this isn't Izhekum. There's a promenade on a hill above the beach. The hotel itself is ancient and worn. It's time to close and undergo a thorough renovation. The furniture and bathroom fixtures are very worn. It's more convenient to stay in Building A, where the reception is (we were in #509 – they made it a bit more expensive so we wouldn't get into the attic – it's just chicken coops on the roof). Building B is in the middle of the hotel. Building C is right next to the pool (deep and chlorine-free).
The advertised liquor bar is practically nonexistent. Vegan meals are available. Only chicken for dinner is strictly portioned, but if you smile and keep coming back, you have a chance to get a filling chicken meal. Lunch is soy meat and chicken offal. If you don't show up within the first half hour of your meal, you risk being left with beans and the remains of a salad. There's only watermelon for dessert. There's an amazing grill chef who cooks pancakes and very spicy nuggets, half-beef and half-chicken. A scandal can easily arise for taking an extra pancake. This chef was often dismissed by vacationers, but he kept strict control over the portions. If you want decent tea or coffee, bring your own cups. The coffee machine and water heater only work during meal times. The water cooler is available 24/7. This menu is for those on a diet; your taste buds won't be thrilled. The food is dismal; even the soup runs out within the first hour, and it might not be available again. The staff, with their poker faces, are imperturbable and avert their eyes. There are two managers at reception – one for the night and one for the day. Arrive in the evening, and you'll be shocked by your room. In the morning, you'll be haunted by the all-powerful Khimet, the daytime manager, trying to improve your living conditions. He's as calm as a tank, and yelling and stomping your feet at him is useless – he's no fairy from a good fairy tale. The towels and bed linen are gray with age. The beds are comfortable, but everything else is antique furniture. The contingent of vacationers is retirees, with the occasional odd young person who doesn't read reviews. I strongly advise against visiting Turkey for the first time. Start with Alanya.
Many people have been coming to this hotel for years, complaining and huffing and puffing, but they come because of the price and already know how to survive here—in a word, they're like hedgehogs.


Now I know what Kemer is like, with its shopping arcades lining the streets and its Thursday flea market. Would I want to come back? No, because of the terrible pebble beach, which is the same in every star hotel.