Not enough words, one poison

Written: 29 july 2020
Travel time: 12 — 19 july 2020
Your rating of this hotel:
2.0
from 10
Hotel ratings by criteria:
Rooms: 4.0
Service: 1.0
Cleanliness: 1.0
Food: 1.0
Amenities: 6.0
Arrived on the 12th. Host - Join UP/Peninsula Tour. The meeting guide from the specified Join UP tuned in the "correct" way already on the bus. I quote: "You put on masks when I say - there will be a police post, then take it off. You can also not wear masks in the hotel - you are guests, who will tell you what. " And an unforgettable recommendation "and often do not treat your hands with alcohol either - this makes the skin dry, it is harmful. " Not smart in general.
We arrived at the hotel. At the entrance they took the temperature, wrote it down in a notebook. This is where the real fight against COVID in order to comply with the SAFE TOURISM CERTIFICATE certificate in the hotel ends. More on this below.
The reception was caught in a state of squabbles and scandals - people who arrived earlier really tore their throats. The reason is trivial - they bought some rooms (garden, and some even sea view), and they were stuffed either into the famous building on the second line (across the road, where the reception is) or into the first, but overlooking the wall of a non-working nearby hotel.

The reception, of course, obviously does not care - the cries of the guests did not bother them.
We were put on bracelets, offered to take a walk until 14-00 until the rooms were vacated. We, of course, went straight to the beach. And they were immediately stunned by three things: a) a huge line of people who had not heard about social distance and masks climbing on top of each other near the snack bar; b) the abundance of empty sunbeds thrown with towels (and, as a result, the lack of free sunbeds); c) the sea is beautiful, calm, warm and clean. I remember thinking again - what hungry region did these zombies come from, breathing down each other's necks in line for french fries and tasteless burgers with nuggets? Didn't they eat breakfast? Can't they wait until dinner (which was less than an hour away)? Ah, how wrong we were!
To say that the dinner was a shock would be an understatement.
It all started classically - several spontaneous queues (the entrance to the restaurant is for suckers - you can also climb through the fence on the side in the aisle), a crowd of cunning aunts and men who sideways try to rub in from the side and climb in front of you, forming another queue nearby, wet swimsuits and swimming trunks and hot breath in the back of the head. Here, of course, the hotel has nothing to do with it. This Spanish shame is the merit of exclusively compatriots who, it seems, have not seen food for 10 years. In line, by the way, no one wore masks except for the two of us. Social distance was not respected from the word "generally".
But then the real surr began, which then continued all week. As soon as one of the sufferers decided that it was time to pounce on food, all obstacles were overcome and the crowd rushed into the restaurant hall, treacherously and from multiple flanks. Well, it's a shame, yes, but we've seen this before.

) - be kind - stand in 3 (three! ) separate queues in a crowd of really evil fellow citizens. Once again: separately - for a watermelon, separately - for a bottle of water, separately - for a salad and separately - for the first course. At the same time, each of these queues moves extremely slowly - after all, each guest is "repaid" by one employee of the staff, who does not speak Russian / Ukrainian / English and is not quite mentally prepared for the fact that people can gobble up a bucket of meat in one throat. This poorest employee consistently pokes a fork into each of the dishes of his station and looks inquiringly at the guest. He, in turn, shouts to him in a bad voice: "No, I say WEATERMELON, WATERMELON! He does not understand anything! ". When the employee finally reaches the dish the guest needs, he puts on a portion sufficient for the average individual and is about to give it to the guest, but then he stumbles upon "NO, NO, THREE SERVINGS, MORE, STILL SAYING, APPLY".
If I initially mentally condemned this, with appropriate curses, then later I realized that for a family of, say, 4-5 people, this is really the only way to eat at least in some acceptable time frame. For each of these 5 people is now standing in five different queues, and the children also occupy the table at this time.
From my experience I can say that in such idiotic conditions it really took AT LEAST 40 minutes to assemble a simple set - meat / pasta, salad, watermelon and tea. Forty minutes. Minimum. And then you finally come to the table occupied by your wife with cold food, on which there are flies. In short, it was hellish trash. But that's what I thought. Hellish trash, as it turned out, was waiting for us a little later.
What time did breakfast start in this wonderful five-star hotel (yes, yes, FIVE-star - that's what Armas calls himself in the information leaflet that he lays out in the rooms), I don't remember exactly. Suppose at 7:30.
This meant that a giant line was lining up at all strategic sites already at 7. no options. If you want something from the grill, get in line half an hour before opening. If you want to drink water, they will not give it to you until the opening and without a queue. But the most disgusting thing is that with such an overload of the hotel with guests (and in reality there were 600 people) and with an obvious problem with food, the hotel management did not take ANY actions to resolve the situation. Despite the numerous and very emotional complaints of the guests. The situation with the queues infuriated everyone every day. Everyone went to swear, but no one wanted to listen to them.
As a result, I became a witness of HELL THRESH, which, unfortunately, I did not record on my phone. Another day, another queue at the next restaurant station, but there is no serving person from the hotel. Despite the fact that the restaurant is already open and at neighboring stations the staff is already distributing food.

We stand 10 minutes - nobody, we stand 15 - nobody. And at this time, let me remind you, food is already being distributed in neighboring queues. Screams, screams, searches for "the most important thing" - no reaction. No one comes up, the queue is indignant, salivating. The Turks do not come to us even if you burst. It ended sadly - cattle-pig-kneading. There was a "bad person" who said "why should I wait for him? ", grabbed a plate and, spitting on all these SAFE TOURISM and COVID of yours, rushed to scoop up food for himself. Just to rake. And, of course, a chain reaction began. You can only compare with the situation when a herd of pigs was not fed for a month, and then they opened the door to the barn with a trough of slops. These non-humans climbed on each other's heads, dropped cutlery, which the staff uses to collect food, scattered food on the floor and tables - and all this with square eyes. It was AD. I was blown away, to be honest. The Turks were stunned (although their fault was directly obvious here).
Not the first time they kicked this pig out of the pen and, ignoring their cries of "MORE", they decided to buy me, as the only one who was not struck by this brain virus.
In short, the food situation was CATASTROPHIC. Let's just say, for the first time in my life, I was forced to buy groceries in stores and even wave the 2.7 km walk to McDonald's while living in an all-inclusive hotel. For the first time and hopefully the last time.
Considering that people in these lines were actively and loudly sharing their tragedies, I understood that the following happened: collusion of operators and hotels (Armas, in particular). So, many people were not brought to Armas at all. They were sold other hotels, and the operators confronted them with the fact that the hotels were "quarantined" already upon arrival in Turkey. And as the only alternative (read - the absence of such) they were settled in Armas.
It is with this that the problem with the huge number of guests and the lack of normal rooms is connected (about the sheds in which people lived - below). That is, the greed of Armas allowed him to fill the hotel with so many people that they are not able to serve normally (and even feed), which is obvious.
On excursions, our tourists from 3-star hotels in Kemer went nuts from our stories - they didn’t have any queues for food (! ). Moreover, some people paid for really more expensive hotels, but ended up in a basement in Armas. And some complained that on the way to the center they found exactly the hotel that was originally sold to them and (oh miracle! ) - it is not closed, but works for itself and without queues for fries : ) At the same time, Armas himself (obviously for a bribe) gypsied himself the same SAFE CERTIFICATE, the requirements of which were not going to be met at all. They cheered for COVID.
So, only people at the food stations in the main restaurant observe the equipment.

Everything that is not in it is not important. At best, they are wearing a mask and gloves for the first hour of work. After - and without gloves (which looked especially trashy at the distribution of ice cream to children) and with masks lowered on the chin. If you make a remark, they will grudgingly find gloves. But even here they get creative. Example: lobby bar. There is a friend behind the counter, she makes you lemonade. He takes the ingredients with his bare hands and begins to knead them (mint, lemon) in his hands, clapping his hands with relish. You go crazy, you ask to wear gloves. Reluctantly finds, does in gloves. Five minutes later, she, in the same gloves, walks around the tables in the hall, crawling with a dirty rag, and collects dirty dishes in them. Then he returns to the counter and, without changing gloves, makes someone a cocktail. Otake know how. An interesting point, by the way - all the garbage on the tables in this five-star hotel is brushed off with dirty rags right on the floor. Everywhere.
The next day the situation repeated itself - I could not stand it anymore and brought a pack (! ) of dirty appliances directly to guest relations. In this five-star hotel, it is better to eat with disposable utensils. Well, if you find something.

Fate pushed me against the food and drinks manager again under the following circumstances. My wife wanted to drink white wine. She went, stood in line, the white one herself returns. Grit - dude pours ice into glasses with stupid hands without gloves. They didn’t drink, I went myself, I record the process on video. Seeing the phone, the dude decided, for the sake of formality, to take an ice scoop in one hand. But you can't deceive your hands, your hands remember something : ))) It didn't work out for him with a scoop - he put his paws into the ice anyway. I asked him to do the same, but with gloves. For a long time he could not understand why this was important. SAFE TOURISM, shtosh. Didn't make it. His leader ran to look for gloves for him, I did not wait for the third attempt. GUEST RELATIONS took the situation stoically - with absolute indifference.

To all the complaints of absolutely all people, a wonderful girl, who occupies the position of guest relations manager (absolutely in vain, by the way), answers the same way and with visible undisguised hostility - complain to your guide. When asked what the guide has to do with it, because I don’t live at his house, she did not find an answer. He behaves frankly in a boorish way and does not hide it. An example - I come to her with a problem, she is not behind the counter, but in an office with a slightly ajar door. We are separated by 5 meters. I am standing with her standing on the back of the counter, she (without turning her head in my direction) answers: "You say, I will listen from here. " To my remark that we cannot talk like that - I will have to shout and that if she is busy, I will wait until she is free, she says: "No, you speak from there, if it's fast, I'll sit here. " In short, an impudent, boorish, always dissatisfied stooped woman. I have no idea who put it there. Zero sense from her.
For example, we are going on a tour.
They pick us up at 5 am. Asked at the reception for food to go. I did it on purpose the day before, at 6 pm. Recorded data, room number, time, number of rations. In the morning they give one for two and incomplete, with the phrase "no more, they're over. " Nezhramshi half a day, returned, went to the guest relations manager'u, explained the situation. No apologies, stupidly dissatisfied mug. In front of me, he calls the reception, Shot puffs there, then tells me: "What do you want from me? If you want - now they will do three for you! ". What? I explain that now I don’t need them, but tomorrow I’m going on an excursion again and again in the morning. Please check. What do you think, how many rations were there in the morning at the reception (and this is a waste of time - to go there to their building across the road, and nerves too)? ZERO. ZERO rations were waiting for me in the morning. This is how a five-star hotel fed me. Schaub did not get fat, so. After my conversation, the guest relations manager changed the phrase "complain to the guide" to "change the hotel. " That's who, the chicken, employed there?
In short, I will not bore you with an abundance of text, I will add only two more stories from our vacation:

Dinner party in a la carte. I no longer wanted this experience from the word “in general”, but my wife insisted that “there are shrimp and seafood and at least we’ll sit at the table like people without queues. ” She got her way, the stooping guest relations manager gave her the coveted ticket with a fright (yes, yes - that's right - a ticket), but even here she could not help but make a mistake, because she wrote us down on the wrong day that we asked. Well, figs with her, what do you take. We mean come. The table is covered with a tablecloth, on the table there is a rose, a candle (not burning, but something like that), crockery and a set of cutlery. Clean cutlery. Well, I think we'll live. On the plate is a cloth napkin. I unfold. In a past life, it looks like she had tables cleared or wiped down. Armas could not remove these stains. This is the first time I've seen this in a restaurant. Okay, let's move on. They bring snacks. It becomes sad.
It becomes clear that it was necessary to go to a regular restaurant in a regular queue. Ugly, unappetizing, tasteless. The fish is clearly undereaten from lunch. Dry and terrible. Decided to eat a bun. The bun lies in an individual package (in plastic) in the heat. Confused. Thank God I decided to cut it just in case. Moss inside. Black mold. He kept the urge. All this is very long, the change of dishes is extremely slow and the time frame is not at all clear. More and more desire to dump.
Here it is intriguing that now, here it is - now there will be "CREVEDS" (half-whisper with aspiration). They bring THIS (see photo) with the phrase - "THIS IS FOR TWO". We precipitated, nervous laughter began. On a plate with no idea what it was about 6 (SIX) smallest shrimps (or their babies? ) Twisted into rings with a diameter of a centimeter and a half. Cooled corpses. Cold and tasteless. There is a fork in the photo for scale. Couldn't resist taking a picture.
In short, it finished me off, but the waiter sat me down with the phrase "there will be fish. " The fish was delicious. They brought a fish for each, it was cooked deliciously. I don't know what it's called. Didn't take a picture, was hungry. In short - if you go on this adventure - immediately upon arrival ask for a glass of wine and fish (a whole, not an appetizer). After eating fish - RUN, FOOLS! You will be lured with dessert (real dialogue: “can we leave already? ” - “no, what are you - we still have DESSERT” - “what kind of dessert is that? ” - “and this is a SURPRISE”), but don’t be fooled - in the usual The restaurant is better and the choice is at least some.
Summing up the food at the hotel, I will say this: we took a yacht excursion to the island of Suluada. The yacht, by the way, is ENGIN KAPTAN. So the food was better there. And more. And tastier. And no queues. And Makdo, against the background of 5 stars of this balalaika, seemed like paradise to me.
Departure. Or, rather, flight-ejection.

The wonderful Join UP/Peninsula guide Rahman (phone +905445622665; may Allah save you from meeting him) warned us that information about the departure time of our flight home will be posted at the hotel reception after 19-00 on the eve of it. Just in case, they reminded him in Viber at 17-30. He promised that after 19 - blood from the nose infa will be. I come to the reception (and this is another building) after 19. They just lay out a sheet with the name of my and my wife. I see the departure time has changed. In the morning at 15-40. Departure from the hotel at 11-45. Well, I think, zashib. We can still buy. Dawn watch at 4 am. Yeah. Looked.
Came to the room. Lying. But the shot here does not give me rest. I climb on the Internet - there is no my flight. Nowhere. Not Skype, not KBP. aero, nor in the Antalya airport scoreboard. He suffered, he suffered. Give, I think, I'll go to the reception again, I'm restless. I got dressed (and it's already 11 pm), went there. I found this leaflet on the board of honor, took a picture. Photo attached here. Went to sleep. It's good that I didn't go to watch the sunrise.
At 4-30 in the morning, treacherously, without declaring war, we are awakened by the phone ringing in the room. Some body, posing as Join UP, is nervously interested in "where are you? The bus is waiting for you. " Well, we are, to put it mildly, afigeli. We explain the situation to the body, he (being at the reception, without hanging up) looks at the board with my last name, grit - strangely - on the board 15-40, and I have 8 in the morning on my hands. Shcha, grit, I'll get your guide.
Rahman sleeps, does not pick up the phone. I write to Rahman on Viber, send a photo. To which Rahman, without hesitation, writes to me (literal quote): "Everything is right again. You are being taken away right now" (the spelling and punctuation of the author is preserved). It is clear that at 4-30 in the morning, without collected things, the Rakhmanovs "Everything is right again" are a little enraged. Rahman finishes off by sending a screenshot from a computer in which my last name and / or the last name of my wife is not in principle. Why he sends him out is known only to Rahman. To the question "Why are you sending me this? " Rahman replies "Your time has changed. They will take it away. "

In short, we got together in record time, we ran out to the reception, a fellow tribesman from Join UP Rahman said to me looking at a piece of paper with a departure at 15-40 "yes, yes, I understand, it's very sad. " Our compatriots on the bus are indignant (“We waited 40 minutes on the bus for you? ”) - they do not react to explanations of the situation. So, in stress, our day of departure began. Thank you, JoinUP, thank you, Rakhmanushka, you are a dear person.

In short, summary: NO FOOT, you hear - NO FOOT here. Maybe when a year passes after quarantine, maybe then (perhaps, subject to a change in the management and managers of the hotel, and tearing off 2 stars out of 5 painted) it would make sense to come here and then only from across the sea. TAKE MONEY and do not go here for fear of losing it if you do not use it.
Translated automatically from Russian. View original