Great hotel, lame service

Written: 7 october 2019
Travel time: 2 — 16 september 2019
Who does the author recommend the hotel to?: For families with children
Your rating of this hotel:
9.0
from 10
Hotel ratings by criteria:
Rooms: 10.0
Service: 7.0
Cleanliness: 9.0
Food: 10.0
Amenities: 9.0
The sea, sun, palm trees, cocktails are the first things that come to mind when we think about a vacation. It would seem, what could be better? TRIP TO JAMAICA, that's what! And this will be my story!

It is very important for me that those small days of my vacation go perfectly, and therefore I try to approach planning with all my heart. Which resort to choose? Egypt - you can have a good rest if there is a big fun company and scuba gear) I didn’t have scuba gear, and I didn’t have a fun company either)) Turkey - everything is fine, but I go there more often than to my parents) Thailand - once I was, I didn’t go like that he to me. I don't know why. Perhaps all thoughts were occupied by the question of who is coming to meet you and whether this individual has an Adam's apple.


What's left? Dominican Republic and Jamaica. And then the principle of heads and tails came into play. You probably already understood what the choice fell on if you read the first paragraph) Yes, Jamaica fell to me. To be honest, I was very happy about this because I had long dreamed of visiting it.
I'm thinking, how much money would I save by going back to Turkey? The answer is many, but how much are the most pleasant life memories worth? They are priceless because they are what life is made of.

The next stage would be no less difficult, of course, it was the choice of a hotel. In my subjective opinion, there are several criteria:

1 - Cleanliness and tidiness;

2 - beautiful landscape and views;

3 - food;

4 - entertainment;

5 - throat singing courses! I don’t know why, I wouldn’t go to them, but it would be cool.

And I started reading the reviews, I read so many of them that it almost seemed that I had already been on vacation and I didn’t have to go anywhere) But I had to go, and from all the options I had previously selected, I chose Royalton.

Firstly, because of the location. It is located about 40 minutes east of the airport in Montego Bay.
If you decide to visit Negril and Kingston, it will be very convenient to do this, because the distance from Royalton is approximately the same to these two iconic cities on the island. At first, I was more inclined towards Negril, but I understood that I would hardly trample more than 200 km to Kingston, where the famous Bob Marley Museum is located, but I really wanted to visit it.

When I got to the hotel and went into the lobby, I had a beautiful view of a small park recreation area with palm trees, shrubs, umbrellas and comfortable chairs for relaxing.

Registration was surprisingly very fast, I am surprised not because it used to take me a lot of time, but because people write that the Jamaicans are very unfussy people and don’t like to do anything quickly. But here it is worth noting that they do not register before 15:00!

People are waiting until three o'clock strikes and the pumpkin turns into a rest)) Having passed through the long, bright corridors of the hotel, I got to my room. To be honest, he didn’t surprise me much) At the entrance, as in almost all hotels, you stumble upon a mirror with some kind of ridiculous closet of incredible size, but in my case it was not a big, comfortable bedside table behind which there was a ridiculous closet immediately)) There was a door opposite the bedside table which led to a toilet the size of a ridiculous closet.

Since Jamaica is famous for its famous rum, I gave myself the idea not to confuse them, which I successfully completed until the end of my vacation)) Polished to a shine, blinding the whole room, there was a small bathtub, directly in the room itself.
I didn’t really understand this design decision, because, firstly, I don’t like baths, except for solar ones) And secondly, after lying in the pool, on the beach, or drunk in a puddle))) there is no special mood, and even after this pleasure, wipe the floor from splashes too, but this is my opinion and someone will find it a cool idea.

But it was possible to calmly close the curtain hiding this whole brilliant plumbing parade from view) I immediately remembered the lines of the famous children's writer about Moidodyr, who came out of his mother's bedroom and shook his head. Korney Chukovsky, when he wrote this fairy tale, was resting in Royalton, but this is not accurate)) Everything else was standard, a comfortable bed, on the contrary, there is a TV on which it says in Russian "Welcome! " It seems like a trifle, but nice)) There is also an armchair, and a table with a mirror.
In general, clean, tidy, comfortable, and tidy) The room gets 5 points according to the budget, not boring tourist. A pleasant surprise was a private pool on the terrace, which simply killed the last remnants of the logic of placing the bathroom in the middle of the room))

After we settled in the room, the question immediately arose of what do you want more, swim or get drunk? )) Since we eat several times every day, and swim in the Caribbean Sea not often, we immediately went to see the beach. It turned out to be a gorgeous beach with white sand, sun loungers under thatched palm trees and large beds under a canopy overlooking the sea.

I probably won’t write about the water temperature, because it’s the most pleasant of all world temperatures here all year round)) The boundless horizon with a picturesque view does not spoil anything, the Germans don’t ride on bananas, there are no randomly floating people on anything, only the most beautiful view of the beautiful brightly fiery sky preparing for sunset! It is strange, of course, that most people are lying around the pool, which is located 20-30 meters from the coastline.

It's time to have something to eat, I thought, and went to dinner. We ended up at the Steak House restaurant. Since we were already pretty hungry, the steak seemed incredibly tasty. But we didn’t go there for dinner anymore because we mostly visited an Indian restaurant, because you can eat a steak anywhere, but really tasty Indian food is not everywhere) But we visited almost all places where they serve food, so I can recommend them all.
But I can upset fruit lovers because there are very few of them. And if you want to try Jamaican pineapples, bananas, mangoes and other goodies, then you will have to go to the famous Montego Bay market at least once.

Now a few words about animation, there is a lot of it, it is everywhere) Yoga, snorkeling, aqua aerobics, and the like)) But I don’t like animation more than I love it, so you won’t hear anything useful from me about it)) But if you came with children, then there is just a children's, water paradise! Many water slides, shallow pools, the so-called lazy river, where you can swim on inflatable tires. If you take children with you, it is highly likely that at the end of the rest they will have membranes between their fingers and in Russia they will be taken from you by a traveling circus.

But about excursions, please))) Because after climbing around the surroundings around the hotel, we realized that there was nothing special to do there.
Is it possible to fight off the locals who force you to buy grass of very good quality))) I also looked for a guide through a search engine, because according to reviews, people are not very enthusiastic about Jamaican guides. Therefore, I wanted to find necessarily Russian-speaking, and knowledgeable guides. And I did find about 4 options, but again using the Eagle and Tails method. I chose insta @russianjamaica, which I did not regret for a minute.


I want to talk about my trip to Blue mountain. It is always a pleasure to look out of the hotel window at the majestic, frightening in its scale and steepness, gigantic hills until you find yourself there. All of us have ever come across books about Everest, Jamalungma or the mountains of the Caucasus, in which the main character overcoming all obstacles, despite the circumstances, tried to survive.
I myself have not once thought about testing myself and making a trip to Elbrus, but when I read that this requires additional equipment, training and excellent health, I always tended to spend my long-awaited vacation lying on the beach and drinking cocktails under a palm tree. And my dreams of the mountains ended with climbing the hill with the child, which is located in our yard on the playground)) But when my guide Nadezhda offered me to combine my vacation on the beach with climbing the famous Jamaican mountain Blue Mountain, and also on the same day visit the museum of the great Bob Marley, I was just delighted with this idea and now I will explain why.
Firstly, you don’t need any equipment for this except for a staff for solidity and a traveler’s hat : -D))) Although you can safely do without them)) Secondly, when you start climbing on a comfortable transport in which there are comfortable seats, air conditioning and Jamaican music , then it just remains to look out the window where a view of the "other planet" opens before your eyes, like in a cinema at a 4D session. And it seems that you ended up on Pandora with virgin nature, where no human foot has ever set foot. The presence of people gives out only the road and small houses that are located along it.

To complete the picture, only dinosaurs are missing, chewing grass from the tops with their long necks, and pterodactels hovering above them, looking for something to profit too) And you can imagine what our earth looked like millions of years ago. Impressions are simply indescribable! But that is not all!
You can also stop in a small but very cozy cafe with a beautiful view of the mountains to try, or maybe buy home, the world famous Jamaican coffee that grows in these mountains. From Nadezhda, I learned that it is one of the most expensive varieties in the world, because it is not produced on an industrial scale, but is grown as an exclusive product.


Coffee has a delicate aroma and rich taste due to the special climatic conditions that exist only in these mountains. And almost 90% of the coffee produced here is redeemed, as it is not surprising, well, at least for me, Japan! Although I am generally not a particular coffee lover, but impressed by these statistical facts, I bought 5 packs of it)) Two for myself and three for a gift to friends.
But to be honest, I never gave it to my friends)) I left everything for myself to drink the best coffee in the world on winter Surgut evenings and remember Jamaica, which has taken a special place in my heart!

Now let's summarize what we have:

If you are a person who does not find fault with trifles such as dirt on the sunbeds (Friends, if you yourself climb onto a bright sunbed with dirty feet, do you really hope that after you get up, the on-duty raccoons will immediately come running and wipe them to a shine with their small paws your dirt? )) Well, really, have a conscience))) The second moment with the service: Jamaicans are one of the fastest people in the world, as Usain Bolt and Donovan Bailey proved, but not in service)) Here they can take all the first places, but in the championship of the universe in slowness. Even the Etonians look lively compared to the Jamaicans! Snails!
That's who Jamaicans can compete with in service)) But is the speed of service really worth not visiting this wonderful island?

Answer options:

- Costs

- Not worth it

- I'm a Jamaican

In general, do not let someone else's opinion stop you, but make up your own! So buy tickets to Royalton too! Or not in Royalton, but in my opinion it is better in Royalton! But it is not exactly ; )
Translated automatically from Russian. View original

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