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Cuba 2010. Chronicle

21 January 2010 • Travel time: with 02 January 2010 on 14 January 2010
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Cuba 2010. Chronicle

The article is devoted to specific people, the author asks, if possible, to save him from the correct instructions and philosophical recommendations. The article may be useful to those who are going to Cuba for the first time.

Heroes and places:

Melia Las Americas

Santa Maria

Clubs from Salon Proho to DiaboloTumTum

Omar Sanchez

Ramon Alvarez

Girl with the pseudonym Natasha

Until the January holidays 10 days, I want to go to the sea. Watching Israel, Eilat. I want a sane sea along with civilization, but I hear an assessment - a family vacation and refuse - not mine. I hear Cuba as an alternative, it seems interesting. While I am looking for operators in Cuba on the Internet, I get advice - next to work is the office of the tour operator ChipTrip. Judging by the advice of a budget operator. Before the holidays, the operator has a lot of people, mostly young people. When the turn comes, I ask 5 stars - I like it when comfort is behind me.


I'm convincingly rushed - this is the last decent tour. I take 11 days, 4.5 thousand USD e. The next day I compare with the prices of other operators. Complete crap. I don’t know what will cost “everything off” in the chiptrip, but “all inclusive” is at the upper limit of Moscow prices. At the same time, the service is a classic economy class - no comments, no additional information, a conveyor. Varadero is the best resort, Melia Las Americas is the best hotel, I will be satisfied, everything. In the evening on the Internet I find several curses at the hotel, in the morning I ask the operator about the possibility of a replacement, in response - nothing changes under any circumstances. In short, while this is the worst of the Moscow operators known to me.

Or maybe everything will really be fine ...But still there are doubts, so I'm looking for options on how to be in place if the hotel does not like it. I stumble across the Internet on Omar Sanchez - a Cuban in Russia, with an offer of services in Cuba. I'm writing off.

A very pleasant experience. Answers quickly and clearly. With the replacement of the hotel will not help, but he easily shares recommendations. He recommends not limiting himself to Varadero and also seeing Havana, he doesn’t recommend wandering around Cuba, he considers the reviews I collected from the Internet about a trip by car into the depths uninteresting, what to see there is a village. When asked about the local flavor, hospitality, mulattos - no problem, they will give a guide on the spot. Recommends National - 5 stars in the center of Havana, books me a room. I promise to call him from Varadero anyway. We discuss all my doubts for a few more days, the answer is - everything will be done. I relax, the maximum that threatens - additional costs, does not scare me.

So Aeroflot, 13 hours.

Airbus, of course, not Tu, a very smooth move, movies, computer games, but judging by the tight fit, the feeling that these bitches have inserted an extra row does not leave - there is not enough space, and the headrest is such that you fly slightly bent, you can’t tear it off, on a large the flight is really annoying.

The Cuban airport is simple by Moscow standards, but it's even interesting. Really unnerving 11 degrees on the street. They say this happens infrequently, but, looking ahead, out of 12 days, there were only 2 sunny days, and for the entire second half I went in a winter down jacket, the same one that arrived in Sheremetyevo at 10 degrees below zero, but humidity. Later I learned that in January this happens, although, as a rule, not so aggressively and intermittently, but in any case, for Cubans it is now the same winter, the cold season, at this time they do not swim at all.


As for customs, I read all sorts of crap on the Internet - what can be transported, what cannot be - empty.

There are official restrictions, even with a national tinge, but no hints of strictness were found at the entrance, you put whatever you want in your main luggage - no one checks anything. Hand luggage is translucent, but everything is quite calm.

From the plane immediately to the bus, everyone was tired, besides it was night, they didn’t even catch a glimpse of the city, right away in Varadero. We drive for 3 hours, with one stop. A chain of hotels begins, we seat 3-4 people at each. My 4th or 5th. It turns out 7-8 people, after all, it is big. They check in slowly, but in general there are no problems, except for the fact that someone did not find his suitcase - the fellow travelers who got off mixed up and that the guys standing in front of me, having received the keys to the room, returned 5 minutes later saying that the room was dirty. They began to change something, I get an envelope with a key, I go to my room. I have everything clean. In the morning, with a relatively fresh look, I look at the room - large, nice, there are some signs of the declared 5 stars.

In general, if you do not bother with a shabby door, switches that do not work everywhere, broken locks on windows and a prehistoric refrigerator with the sound of a scooter, you can give almost 4 stars. But still, it is embarrassing that the balcony does not close - it is common to the entire floor. A wonderful detail - in the hotel envelope with the keys is a memo with a proposal for 200 cookies (count $ 200) to change the room to an analogue with a sea view and apparently normal locks and a refrigerator. Formally, both numbers cost the same, 200 is a universal price, does not depend on the term, it is taken for the very fact of replacement. Welcome Cuba 5 stars.


Food is a different story. When I was reading the Internet in Moscow, I was quietly annoyed by the endless discussion of feeding - there is nothing more to talk about? It seems that rest and devour are synonyms for a Russian tourist. After the first breakfast, I forgive the tourist half the blame. Cuban cuisine is really a talking point.

No, there is enough food, it's not the lack of food, although there are not too many of them. The problem is that there is no kitchen. In other words, Cuban cuisine is something along the lines of "don't shoot the pianist... ". mayonnaise. I'm pouring tea, not that. At first I think that such water, no - after all, it’s shitty tea.

It's boring, in the absence of the sun, sluggish animation causes melancholy. However, there are no serious complaints about the technical service, the staff is sane. On the second day, a girl from Iberostar, similar in terms of stars, appears - so let's listen - when the Internet scolded Las Americas, it praised Iberostar. The first thing I hear, Iberostar is complete crap, the service is unsatisfactory. The conclusion is that either all this is very subjective, or the staff is changing, and the level is a matter of chance.

All these are trifles, the feeling of flying arose for a completely different reason. Varadero is a closed zone, and in fact these revolutionary cops closed not only tourists from locals, but also locals from tourists. There is a constant question in my head - why the hell should I cut 13 hours instead of 3-4 to the other end of the world, so that as a result I get just the sea, mediocre service and a banal minimum of entertainment, ¾ of which either do not work, or you need to look hard for someone and persuade. Where the fuck is the hospitable nation, where are the mulattos? Instead of mulattos, our and Canadian pensioners slowly walked around, including relatively young girls up to 30. There is such a category of retired girls who are always resting with their mothers, or the right girlfriends, planning the right routine, including all basic excursions and attractions.

Sunday. Evening. The hotel is sad. Trying to find local hangouts.


In Russian, apart from the word TOVARISCH, no one knows anything, in English - to the question “do I speak ... ”, they answer SO SO, which means a few words more than in Russian. But since it is generally clear to everyone that we are talking about relaxation, it is possible to communicate with taxi drivers in English in half the cases. The first recommendation from the Moscow Internet is Havana Club. Opens at 10. There is still a lot of time, I want to ride the bus. The bus comes in 20 minutes. I go in, I hear something in Spanish, I ask how mach ...In response - 1 cookie. I take out a piece of paper 10 cookies from my pocket. The driver puts out the light, starts off and at the same time in the dark with visible difficulty tries to extract the change with one hand. After a few minutes of natural torment, he hands me a piece of paper 5 cookies. No ticket. Okay, I think, don’t swear, do something nice for a person, after all, they are so sincere and hospitable ...

Havana Club. 10 cookies entry.

The spectacle is depressing - a red corner in the state farm named after Clara Zetkin. Everyone sits in a semicircle, listening to the local animator, often laughing. The animator amuses the people in Spanish. Nobody is dancing. Sometime later, I began to understand that this is a fairly standard pre-party for rare Cuban clubs.

I take a taxi again, I ask you to take me to a normal place. Brought to the Mamba club. Again 10 cookies. Two fat, drunken Russian aunts are dancing with a local Negro, a few more people are drinking beer and silently watching the dance. The interior is the same as in the first club.

I leave after 2 minutes and for a long time, repeating the same thing, I explain to the next taxi driver that I am interested in a large, popular place where a lot of people are having fun right now. Lucky in the cabaret National (it seems so). Finally I see the first (and last) place with signs of an active nightlife. Queue at the entrance. There is already something inside. There are a lot of people, dancing, on the stage like live music, noisy, fun.

Only one thing is annoying - there are mostly tourists and mostly men around, there are few women, there are practically no beautiful ones. Sat at the bar for an hour. The bar has 4 drinks - rum, local beer, mineral water, red bull. The bartender, apparently, is the top step in the hierarchy of prestigious Cuban professions, he has nowhere to rush, you can wait for him for a long time. In general, hanging out in a club in the absence of any sane female options is not the brightest idea. It is clear that Varadero is a dead end branch, it is necessary to bring down, and the sooner the better. The next day confirms all the conclusions of the previous one - there is no active movement, no objects / subjects of attention.


I actively communicate with the operator and as a result, without any problems, I change the more expensive option with full board in Varadero for a less expensive one with breakfast in Havana. At the last moment, the operator worsens the conditions a little more and instead of La Centrale I get the National.

As a result, I lose 50%, to hell with it, it’s impossible to stay under any circumstances.

/From prehistory. This is not the first trip to the end of the world. Already there was an experience of neglect of details. But since he was immediately ready for an alternative development and understood that after meeting Omar Sanchez he was secure, it did not come to drunkenness. Looking ahead, if formally, Omar completely fulfilled his promise. In any case, we communicated promptly - on the phone from my side and SMS from him. From Omar, in one of these letters, I received the phone number of my informal guide - Ramon Alvarez, a Cuban in Havana with Russian. /

While waiting for the bus to Havana, I got into a conversation with a company from Kyiv. Mostly boys. What's cool, we landed in Varadero from Havana, where we sat for a week. I told them - why did they come? They are to see.

In short, the people of Kiev were not particularly impressed with Havana.

Well, that means no luck or Khokhlushkas are so spoiled, again, in taste and color. It's time for Havana. The bus driver argued for a long time that I was not on the list, found me only on the 4th attempt, after all, 20 surnames is a lot. I'm at the National at 7 pm. I call Ramon, before that I only talked with Omar. Ramon speaks fluent Russian, a Russian mother. In general, everything is very comfortable. We meet in an hour - a good impression, a tall young guy, a reasonable look, speaks clearly. I tell him my feelings from Varadero, I explain that there are not enough ordinary things, first of all, the company, I want movement. Ramon talks about diving. I explain - Ramon, diving is certainly good, but there are nuances. Diving I can find a little closer to home, I expect something else from Cuba. Firstly, it is a type of nostalgia on the contrary, an inverse feeling of a scoop, when you are both in it and outside, a foreign tourist in the USSR.


And secondly, I really want to have songs, dances and mulattos (ok, let there be Creoles). So diving under water is no problem, but then it’s better in the company. And one more small request - prostitutes are not needed, if I need a damn, I can do without the help of a guide. Yes, and don’t worry about compromises - I won’t seduce your girlfriends or acquaintances - we’ll just hang out, naturally at my expense. In response - no problem, tomorrow we will organize everything, while we can ride to one place - see a cabaret and have dinner.

- Suitable.

Hotel Melia Coiba, bar Havana. The show is already underway, a professional cabaret is on stage. Mediocre, not impressive. Then a young entertainer guy comes out and starts a dance competition between visitors - quite fun, but the body finally calms down when, by 12, it seems, the official part ends, and ordinary people start dancing around.

I read that Cuban women dance unusually ...After 2 days in Varadero, I could no longer believe it. But no. They dance really well. Something between go-go and belly dance, with congenital plasticity. Some light laziness and carelessness. Even in a fast dance, he does not stray into sportiness. It's mesmerizing. The mood is good, more is not necessary.

We agreed to call at 12, gave money for a taxi, slept peacefully.

It is cool in the morning, 10-12 degrees, but I want to swim. I ask where is the pool. They point to the yard. I touch the water - the same 10-12. I remember Egypt - the same swimming pool for the sake of appearance, just as no one is going to heat anything. I'm in pain. Okay, 200 meters max. I climb into the water ...people stopped having breakfast, look out the window, still - the circus has arrived.

At 12 no one picked up the phone. At one o'clock no one picked up the phone, at 2 no one picked up the phone. At 5 o'clock I received a message - I was busy. Well, anything can happen.


I call, I call, I suggest choosing a convenient time, we agree to meet at 8. I sit in the lobby. 8... , 8.15... , half past nine, nine - no one. Went outside. 200 meters in front of the main entrance Salon Rojo. I pay 10 cookies, I go: Moscow - Night Flight, if anyone understands, well, maybe a little softer. I don't want to buy women, but it's still interesting. Cuba is a wild mixture of nations, from the Japanese to the Jews, hence the incredible diversity and natural catches in places. And yet the whores require a different mood, perhaps a little lowered. In a romantic (so far romantic) mood, you don’t want them. Here, as in their homeland, they are immediately visible - a different look and a special style in the most ordinary human manifestations. I don’t really understand where such a manner of chewing gum comes from, but this active style, apart from them, can only be seen among hockey players.

All the next day I walk alone in Havana. The University of Havana pops up from my memory, I ask at the reception - how to get there?

2 blocks forward, 3 blocks left - not far. But I still got lost, I ask passers-by. It is clear that nearby, while one woman points in one direction, the other in the other, They argue and show one direction. After a couple of kilometers I understand that it is not there. I stop, a nice girl gets off the bus next to me, Du yu speak English, Ay um lookin fo...Points in the opposite direction. Are you sure? Yes, she says I'm a student. I'll show you. We reach the turn, it doesn’t stop, we move on, it’s already uncomfortable for me, I say that I’ll find it myself, no, it brought me close. I take out a souvenir from the bag, does not take it, somehow persuaded, wished me luck. I did not know then what a rare fluctuation in the nature of this city.

The next day I decided to call Peter, Omar, in the end, frostbitten Ramon is not a mandatory sentence for Omar. I call, tell the situation, ask if there is anyone else with Russian or English. Omar is again polite and considerate.

Promises to help quickly. An hour later, text messages with names and phone numbers begin to arrive. Pieces 5. What a fine fellow. As a token of gratitude, I write to him that I will return and will definitely write a review about him. There will be someone to refer to on the Internet.

Satisfied, I call the first number - Spanish speech, I try to speak English, in response, Spanish speech again, short beeps. I call back, they hang up. The second phone is Spanish, do you speak English? So-so, Spanish speech, short beeps. The third - the operator automatically says something - it looks like the wrong number. Fourth fifth. Nobody is at home. Sincerely. I am typing a universal text in English


Hello, I am Dmitri R. I am from Russia. Omar Sanches gave me your number. I speak english. I need a guide. I will pay everything, with taxi, food and so on. If it is possible and interesting for you, please answer. I send to everyone.

The next day ends the week in Cuba. The first day when the wind and sun subsided in the morning. As for the wind, you need to understand that there is wind in Cuba. This is when it blows in all directions at once and nothing changes around the corner.

And when, with impulses, you do not dare to take a step. I've never seen a bird go head over heels when trying to take off. But on this day the sun. Catching a taxi - Santa Maria. Santa Maria is the most famous beach in the vicinity of Havana. 25 km. The taxi driver was surprised. He offers to take me there and back for 25 cookies, and wait there while I wallow.

About a taxi. A taxi is not only about moving, it often answers many questions, especially if instead of so so you come across a language expert at the level of a little. The price is whatever comes into your head, I have not seen such a spread in Moscow. At the same time, the appetites of poor Cubans are sometimes surprising. While I was loitering alone in Havana at night and spending money on moving from one place to another, it became obvious that the notorious average salary of 20 cookies for Havana was practically a fiction.

Everyone is spinning around - bombing, renting rooms, cheating, providing any services from drugs and prostitution to "showing the way", stealing everything that they touch in official work. Speaking of girls and drugs. This is not Holland for you, everything is tough around, authoritarian socialism a la Joseph Vissarionovich. There are cops on every corner and criminal consequences all around ...Consequences are consequences, but every evening cocaine is offered on the street. Alas, I will not report on the quality - there was neither strong curiosity, nor, most importantly, trust. Although all these Central American military regimes were raised on drugs, but the current local mores, as well as a couple of things from the usual store, did not cause the need to draw historical parallels through one's own body.


It's easier to say a few words about girls. The price in the club can be more than 70 and 100 dollars, it's cheaper on the street, plus household expenses.

There are beautiful ones, but again with the classic signs of prostitutes (a different look, a different facial expression ... ), which, in my understanding, spoils the appearance of a woman. In general, quite varied. At the same time, although young people on the Internet are fond of Creoles, a beautiful black woman can hook even more than a mixed girl. Posture, huge eyes, fingers like fishing rods. But Creoles, too...You take it by the withers and freeze - small curls only seem like ordinary hair, the feeling is like touching an expensive soft toy - you don’t want to let go. In short, the choice is again a matter of taste and mood.

Something I digress. In short, we go to Santa Maria. On the road, I try the navigator - I wrote down a topographic map in Moscow without details - only big cities and main roads, there was no other. Our road is not there, but even moving just in the direction helps a lot.

If the weather and mood brought me to traveling around the island by car, the usefulness of the navigator is undeniable, like a compass in the forest. By the way, rent a car. Not the cheapest idea in Cuba. 70 dollars will cost something very indistinct, the middle class goes to 150-200 per day plus gasoline 1 dollar, while they can enter a daily mileage limit of 150 km, and at the exit they will again extort money.

Santa Maria is a really nice beach. Finally, I had a normal swim, without extreme sports and struggle with the two-meter waves of Varadero. In the notorious closed resort, the depth difference is quite sharp, so a strong wind immediately creates a strong wave. No one climbs into such water except Russians. Very handy for identification. In Santa Maria softer. On the beach, ball games, surfing, musicians sing to order.

I return back in a good mood. I agree with the driver for tomorrow at 12 on the same route, I give him a little extra.


- Hello, Omar, could you give me some sane reason why your colleague behaves this way. Even assuming that he had unexpected problems, normal people at worst give a warning.

- He wrote to me that he had lost his phone ...

Did he lose your number? Perhaps mine could have known. In addition, we, in addition to everything, agreed to meet, I think you don’t need a phone for this. And one more thing, Omar, your help is certainly good, but what kind of phones are these that no one can answer. I just spent almost $200 on phone calls and letters to your guides, and for the third time in one week I ask in Moscow to put money on my phone. (a comment is needed - calling from Cuba to Cuba is not the same as calling home from Cuba, double roaming, maximum tariff, no discounts and special tariff plans apply)

Omar apologizes, says that he had a serious talk with Ramon and asks him to call again. During this rather unquiet conversation with Omar, a very curious story takes place - right during the conversation, some local comes up and, not at all worried that I am talking on the phone, starts asking where I came from. This, of course, must be seen. - Yes, yes, now, just ask me to wait long distance and I'll tell you, moron, where I came from.

However, I call Ramon, well, come on at 3 o'clock at the same place. I come - sits. It's hard for me to be kind. He starts to explain. I offer to sit somewhere, point to the restaurant in the hotel. He suggests another, very good place. Ok, let's get out, taxi, we're going somewhere. After 15 minutes, we leave at a small standard house. Quietly. We go inside. Inside the veranda, 4 tables, 2 are free.

What does it mean, if you want, you said 3 hours ago that you have a plan, showed some lists ...- Ok, let's go.

Further without details. After the 3rd place, the desire to discuss something disappeared completely, it became clear that my first club impressions in Varadero were not a dead end.

- Ramon, listen, I myself, without any help, albeit rarely, but found relatively normal places in Havana, where you take me all the time, is it already one in the morning?


-That's it, another 5 minutes, now we'll arrive at a normal place ...

In 10 minutes I see Salon Rojo in front of me! Your mother!

While I’m thinking about how to send him more gently, he says that the taxi costs $50, but explains that it’s not expensive, because, firstly, the taxi driver wanted $80, and, secondly, he waited for us several times. Here's a freak.

He runs to the entrance, returns in a minute, and with genuine regret reports that today is Saturday, there are a lot of people, but he agreed, and for 10 dollars the guards will let us into the cashier without a queue, and there we will calmly go to the club for 30 dollars from each .

A strange state, I don’t even want to swear with the bastard. I'm just leaving.

200 meters to the hotel, I go into the room, no, I won’t fall asleep. Again I go out into the street, after 20 meters some local Latino is attached.

-Chica? Fakie fakie?

- Chica Linda...

- Where are you from?

- Listen, what do you care where I'm from. I told you already - know, no.

- Wai? believe the buzzer…

- Do you hear, stupid creature, I tell you in Russian, asshole, I say, Ay dount wont, du yu andestend?

Morning. The weather is still shitty. There are 2 days left. There is no point in organizing anything. The phone still has the number of one Russian woman, who has been hanging in Cuba for a long time and a little strangely.

The name doesn't matter, let it be Natasha. When I called her a few days ago, she was not there, but now she's back, she doesn't mind, we can cross chat. She comes with a friend, the first thing I hear is - Was your passport stolen or money? - What does it look like?

- Well, the voice is very gloomy.

- No, everything is fine, there are a lot of questions, there is no one to talk to.

- Will my girlfriend bother you?

And I myself am already thinking - why the hell did I call her, what can she tell me?

Then I hear a friend - I will not disturb you. I'll sit on the sidelines.


Ok, in the end, he can tell where in this tundra you can buy a jacket or a hat, he himself has already despaired of looking. Everything is like in a scoop - everyone is dressed in something, and in stores, apart from the same T-shirts with Che Guevara and the same baseball caps, nothing is sold.

We're going to some other cafe. I cool down a little on the way. Like normal women. Both are over 30, both are alive, not stupid, they themselves tell something. And the cafe turned out to be sane not in Cuban. 20 some floor. Panorama.

You were obliged to buy the most expensive girls, which he himself would never have bought, and he would have participated with you ...Yes, you are the last bastard ... ))) But he will not introduce you to his girlfriends - what if they like you ...And in general, There is a different understanding of what is interesting and what is not. Did he tell you that he doesn't like old Havana? I'll show you old Havana tomorrow.

The next day I saw what old Havana was like. And it was interesting. I saw where you can live and spend time. Indeed it is possible. We wandered around the fortress, ate in a German restaurant, went to a large nightclub with a sign "House of Music". In the club, I almost got into a fight with some local macho, and he climbed first, and they kicked me out of the club. I heard a lot of stories about life on the island and learned how to organize a holiday here sanely.

And although Natasha on the last day saved my vacation, which was killed to death, the overall impression turned out to be complicated.

Now, if necessary, you can refer to me. Yours sincerely. Dmitry.

Translated automatically from Russian. View original
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