Блеск и нищета Shine and poverty

Epigraph. ‘And this too shall pass’ (c) Ts. Solomon
This I mean that a significant part of the information presented below will be outdated by the time you read this. I would like to note that all changes are for the better. Only the ideal location of the hotel will remain unshakable.
So! Here we have arrived! 10 am, put on bracelets and go to the dining room! And… boom! And where is the food? A few pieces of halva lay lonely on the shelves. Well, halva, so halva, people’s breakfast seems to have ended ... Damn, but what to drink it with? But the cold water in the cooler ... Okay, let's go check when the check-in. Now? Super! My mother and I, she is 50 with a tail (and the tail is 20 years old). Nice room, after renovation? Well, OK! When we approached the stairs and it became clear how many steps to the 1st floor, vague doubts began to torment me. Is there an elevator? Not? Well then, the 4th floor is hardly for us ... No problem? Fine! In short, we walked in circles and looked at different numbers, we are no worse than that Moses.

And if in time, unlike the Jewish people, we kept within 5 hours, then in terms of mileage, I think we did not yield to them. If even shorter, then we settled at three o'clock, but on the real first floor, along the main street of the hotel. Yes, the room is dark, yes, peeled and broken furniture, yes, water oozing from a hole in the bathroom floor, yes, the smell of kangaroo, yes, non-closing windows (more on that later), yes, damn it, when will you stop thinking. Okay then, the pros are no stairs (not at all! ), a working air conditioner (with a remote control! ), a hunchback TV set (tnt and ort), a refrigerator, several hangers in a broken closet and wai wai in the room (because according to legend, where is hidden next to the room transmitter). It is wai wai, because it is impossible to call it waifa. So don't count on uninterrupted internet. In strict confidence, forget after reading: to the right of the hotel across the road is a Ginza travel agency. Who takes vouchers give a good internet password.
As of June 2017, the password is ginza0707, but if you sleep, then look, those who come after you for a bummer will beat you up, and to be honest, they will do it right. Because another option is a sim card at the checkout of grocery stores for $ 25 for a month (about 4 gigabytes of Internet, 500 minutes in Turkey and 100 SMS). Since we started at the room, I’ll say that the maid was apparently an educated person, she heard something about the scavengers’ strike in Northern Ireland, she was in solidarity with them with all her heart and therefore didn’t appear in the room on principle. As the garbage ceased to be compacted and the bucket was ready to explode like a heating pad, in order to avoid unnecessary victims, it was necessary to look for this very maid so that she would neutralize the dangerous object. Looking ahead, I’ll say that this is not the first attempt, of course, but it succeeded twice. (no, I'm not proud, I myself would have taken out only a new garbage heap I didn’t want to start, but there was no old one nearby.
So, apparently, after looking at ‘Mimino’, the maids thought that for us they all looked the same and for this reason they boldly footballed us to each other, explaining that this was not her plot, but ‘that girl’s out there’ and vice versa. But a drop wears away a stone! The lack of access to elevators from 99% of the rooms and rather steep stairs will give a good boost of energy and allow you to pump those muscle groups that are not involved in swimming. For rooms with a sea view, do not count on just a few of them and, accordingly, you can’t even get them for money - there are none and that’s it. Come back tomorrow. I recommend visiting the 4th floor and an abandoned restaurant on the 5th floor from where there is a beautiful view of both the hotel and the surrounding area. Some complained that the restaurant was closed, but, I would not want to drag myself without an elevator to the 5th floor, where vacationers could only crowd like herrings in a barrel.
Another important point in the hotel is SMOKING EVERYWHERE in the bar and on the veranda and in the wai wai zone, it stinks of tobacco so that the Colorado potato beetle moved to the neighboring area, and mosquitoes are not even heard. About food. I got the impression that the owner of the hotel is very rich. Well, it’s just very very, because not everyone can afford to transfer good-quality products bypassing the stomachs of tourists directly into processed products. I am not a Danish prince. I eat pasta, rice, porridge, vegetables, etc. But. Well it is necessary to manage to make all this inedible! You ask how? And I will answer you. This is a talent! It turns out that it is enough to cool the pasta to room temperature and it will be eaten .... Not easy. Burnt porridge is understandable, but cold cotton wool made from french fries or shawarma in the form of burnt meat is probably a molecular cuisine in which I, lagging behind the realities of the time, do not understand anything.

Raw nuggets cut in half against this background were like something magical .... Desserts deserve special mention. Which ones you decide. For their preparation, students of the culinary technical school named after Khazanov were apparently invited. Guys, soaking a cookie in water until tender is not exactly a dessert. And soda is not the main ingredient in baking, in the sense of brown and white biomass, which they tried to pass off as baking. Yes, once they gave cherries and twice apricots, but this is for a big holiday (by the way, the mentioned coal shawarma was also on this unforgettable day). The main fruit was a plum which you want to play billiards, you want to bite and throw it away. Melon fortunately was only the first days because, judging by the taste, it grew on the same tree with plums. Watermelon as a table decoration gradually replaced the melon, but then whoever had time ate it.
In a large family, as they say, don’t click ... So that you don’t overeat too much, the waiters, as soon as you take your hands off the plate, strove to drag it away, rolled a garbage dump along the tables into which they merrily unloaded leftover food, and sentenced ‘That’s it? Already everything? Need a place! Go! '. In general, if it were not a Muslim country, then you can decide that someone keeps piglets, who get the entire food basket, but since this option is absolutely excluded, only one-secret crocodile farm remains. The system of drinks was solved in a very original way. Here the old Russian method of bathing was used / a changing room across the road. That is, in order to pour a cup of tea or two types of coffee, one had to go from the dining room to the buffet. And since the cups held 50 milliliters, and half spilled, the words that came to mind at the same time a decent woman could not stand even five minutes, as I / your / aunt said.
If we add to this that the yuppie apparatus was heated in the sun so that almost tea poured out of it, and the powders were apparently poured according to the indicated rate, then the swill of which was obtained at the exit was an excellent pair for the desserts mentioned above. It was also funny that tea and coffee alternately ended. As for drinking water, I learned in secret before leaving that the first lucky people who asked her at the reception before breakfast were given 0.5 each. But this is a secret, so shhhh! The rest poured water, first from one cooler where it constantly ran out, then from the apparatus where it never ran out and went under such pressure that thoughts about a geyser beating from the ground involuntarily came, well, or if you are not so romantic, then about the fact that the apparatus is stupid connected to the water supply.
Drinks at the bar were poured by the bartender, who either did not understand the word 'two', or 'forgot' to add some of the drinks, or looked so menacingly when you came for a repeat that the children were pissing (just kidding, they weren't pissing, but pooping like that little red riding hood). And it’s hard not to come for a repetition, since half of a 150 gram glass is not greasy for a child, and even for an adult, even in one breath. Needless to say, ice and exactly what you would like most of all at the moment were often absent. I think that for $ 1500 I could count on a more respectful attitude, and if the owner does not explain this to the staff, then you can lose customers .... There was a bar on the beach, but judging by the prices, it is needed only so that you appreciate those 150 grams that you have in a free form. On the bar there are two tubs with branded ALCOHOLIC cocktails ‘Olympus’ - a mixture of ice, aromatic concentrates, wine and alcohol residues.

ATTENTION PARENTS - NOBODY FORBIDS CHILDREN TO DRINK THIS CRAP! ! ! I personally drove the children away from the tap several times with the complete inaction of the staff ! ! ! The dishes were washed apparently by the sisters of advanced maids who, in solidarity with the same scavengers, did not particularly bother with washing the dishes. And the fact that she is fat and with spots is so obvious that vacationers have a philosophical attitude to life, something like ‘someone has already eaten, my time has come, others will come for me, let’s appreciate life and eat while we are alive...’.
Beach. Someone wrote that there are enough sunbeds ... God be his judge. Even if you throw away the clothes of all our fellow countrymen, hanging alone on the backs of sun loungers all day long in the hot season, it is clearly not enough. Well, that's one problem. Another problem is, as usual, the roads. Or rather wooden paths to the sea. The boards on them are not very slippery, they also constantly break off, leaving defiantly protruding nail heads.
Apparently there is no hammer in the hotel, but this is not Greece for you to have everything here. The epic with bridges to enter the water is worthy of a Zadornov or viola pen. They put up bridges. By lunchtime, the lady cut herself on a sharp edge. The next day they tied the rubber with tape, but at that time the coating was washed away by waves. The covering was fixed with pebbles. Pebbles, of course, also washed away. Nailed the cover. After that, the boards got wet and fell off. Then the coating was pressed down with pebbles, but already just under water, next to the footbridges. They were washed away. The descent along the footbridges was bandaged with torn packages, the packages were torn off. They tied it up with wire, but you can't fool our people, and they tore off the wire. They nailed the boards, the handrails began to fall off. In short, we were not allowed to get bored. Everyone roared out loud. From the last thing I found, they fixed the boards, nailed the coating with dies, but .... By this time, the approaches to the bridges had completely broken.
Without them, it is impossible to enter the water next to children; large pebbles can significantly expand their vocabulary. Need slippers! The sea itself is wonderful - transparent, warm from the end of June. For a week, human waste products floated twice and a little bit at a time. And a little bit the Russians do not count

As I said, the hotel is just ideally located in relation to the sea and entertainment clubs and shopping outlets and the port and within a 15-minute walk from the Kemeri tower.
It is more fun to go to the tower next to which migros, carrefour, waikiki through the central shopping street. Having reached the crossroads with a round fountain, turn right and after 4 minutes you will have a tower. There's also a fruit market nearby on Sweat Mondays. Ask the ‘bazaar’ they will show you everything. Clothing market on Tuesdays next to the shopping street, but there, too, they first tear three skins by the time you read it, you will be skinned four. Trade and be happy!
Embroidered wallets and magnets are the most profitable at the checkout of the sale store, which is on the right after the first quarter along the shopping street. If someone goes to leather shops, experienced people say the price should be divided by 4 and stand on that. Fruits - cherries / peaches / apricots $2-4/kg, figs $3-4, one and a half times cheaper on the Monday market.
Money. Exchangers at every intersection. The rate is 3.4 lira for 1 dollar. It is not profitable to change rubles and euros. Don't change a lot at once - better change more later. The exchange rate is slightly more profitable when buying in the Migros supermarket, which is behind the Kemeri tower. There, when paying in dollars, change is given in lira at the rate of 3.45, a trifle, but nice. Entrance to museums and state parks is paid exclusively in lira, in almost all other places they take any currency. In duty free, prices are in euros, the exchange is unprofitable. So there is either a euro or a master card.
Total.

An ideally located hotel in which, in my opinion, only two services work flawlessly and calmly, this is the reception and security. At the time of departure, a replenishment of more qualified personnel arrived, thanks to which some of the disgrace was eliminated already with us, the bartender changed, but the attractions of unprecedented generosity mentioned in previous reviews in the form of wine upon check-in, cocktails in the bar, halva in the morning and cherries and treats on the beach disappeared. That is, it is clear that the owner is gradually putting the hotel in order. It is a pity that our vacation had a ‘troubled time’.
I must say, as an honest person, that many were satisfied with the food, in some rooms they cleaned and took away the garbage, and even caught the Internet all the way to the beach, and the staff who previously worked at the bar were kind and generous. But these are their stories. I described mine.
I didn’t lose weight, the owner is a nice person, I liked the hotel, painted in the style of a Greek street, for its unusualness and great location.
Would you go again? I think YES, but preferably. to by then. the personnel issue was resolved, because, as Comrade Stalin said, cadres decide everything.
10 days cost for two at the end of June 1400 dollars, from the European part from 500 American rubles for two, but it was the beginning of the season.
I PAY THE ATTENTION OF HOTEL OWNERS TO NEVER OPEN ACCESS TO ALCOHOLIC COCKTAILS IN SELF-SERVICE CONTAINERS AT THE BAR FOR CHILDREN