Very. A very masculine ride.
My friend L. . . was forced to divorce his wife after 14 years of marriage, and this event unsettled him so much that he became black, sad and sluggish in face. No persuasion about the fact that he was a big, beautiful muchacho, smart, Ph. D. and, moreover, a very senior manager, would find himself a new wife, much better than the previous one, did not work. It only got worse. In reality, L... began to wither before our eyes. At a large gathering of friends and girlfriends, it was decided to take L... to Turkey in order to entertain him, shake him up a bit and, if possible, find a suitable candidate for the role of a new wife. It fell to me and Gleb to accompany him on this trip. It is worth talking about it separately. Glebets is an ordinary, average guy, wearing glasses, and with a very quiet voice. You walk past this on the street and you don't notice it. But Glebts has charisma. I don’t really understand what it is, but he, using this charisma of his, is absolutely wildly successful with women. Nobody can understand how it works, but it works.
My wise wife, knowing the purpose of the trip and understanding what awaits me, blessed me with the phrase - “You don’t try very hard there....” , I sighed and we flew to Marmaris.
As soon as he got off the plane at the Dalaman airport, Glebets said that there was not a minute to lose and began to seduce the amazingly beautiful girl who was standing alone away from the main crowd of passengers waiting for luggage. The girl reacted quite positively to the harassment of Glebts. She smiled, began to answer him something and blinked her eyes, huge to the floor of her face. But it didn't end well. A couple of minutes later, a huge, masculine girl jumped up to them, who began to yell that there was no escape from the peasants, and they were all kazly, and you couldn’t leave the girl for a minute, well, and further like that. In short, they were lesbians. In parting, this girl still cracked Gleb on the head.
Having agreed in advance not to save on anything, we went to the taxi rank. It was the right decision, because. scorching heat, mental trauma, a blow to the head and, of course, drunk on the plane, deprived Glebets of his human appearance, and he, demonically laughing, ran away from us and tried to hide in the bushes of the hedge. It took me, L. . . and the taxi driver a long time to catch him.
Fortunately, already at the hotel, on the way from the reception to the room, Glebets fell into the pool and this somewhat brought him to his senses. In the room, he changed clothes, cleaned his feathers and, having told us that “the ladies are waiting, the ladies are demanding participation, ” he went into the city. L… stayed at the bar, and I went to the beach and rented a jet ski. I always start my holidays with this, but this time I was not so lucky. Moving away from the shore, I began to rush along the waves and, at some point, I noticed that a hefty boat, which was dragging a parachutist behind it on a cable, was rushing straight at me. Apparently, the parachute lost the wind and the helmsman of the boat began to maneuver so that the paratrooper would not splash down. At the same time, the helmsman did not look forward, but back and up. I tried to dodge, but the boat repeated my maneuvers, and as a result, we rushed on a collision course. When he finally noticed me, the distance between us was minimal. I, following the law of the sea, turned the steering wheel as far to the right as possible, but the vile Turkish skipper did not know the rules and turned in my direction. Realizing that it was impossible to predict his actions, I somersaulted back from the jetski, the safety harness turned off the ignition, and now the boat driver could calmly think where he should go. When the boat finally left, I tried to start the engine, but I could not do it. It turned out that this situation was seen from the shore, and for some reason, deciding that I was to blame for everything, they remotely turned off my engine. I shamefully returned to the shore in tow. A beach fight of about sixty for a very long time reprimanded me that never! Listen, he will never give me more than a jet ski, but even a dull kayak. And I sadly wandered into the bar to L....
Toward evening Gleb returned. Saying that something was pecking at him, he put on some cologne, took a fair amount of money from me (I was the treasurer), took Baileys, bought especially for such cases, and left into the night. He returned in the morning, terribly pleased with himself. It turned out that when he came to the hotel to two girls whom he met during the day, the girls, in response to his offer to drink Beilis and go to some elegant restaurant, said - “Glebushka! Don't freak out. We have a bottle of vodka. Let's go to the beach" . There they spent the night during which he told them about L... and the girls said that they did not mind meeting a potential groom. Realizing that these are not exactly the girls who are suitable for the role of a virtuous wife, I did not argue. Glebets took L... to the girls' hotel, explained when and where they made an appointment for him, and we began to wait for the evening with hope. When it got dark, L... , visibly nervous, went off to meet his fate . .
He returned an hour and a half later quite dull and quiet. He, in the dark, did not find the girls' hotel. We, feeling sorry for him, did not even say how woodpecker he was, but from that evening the question of acquaintances somehow faded. Before lunch, we lay on the beach, and after it we played dominoes in a bar. We beat the “goat” so loudly and colorfully that the bourgeoisie living in the hotel became interested in this. Very soon, many of them, after asking us about the rules of the game, also began to knock on the table with their knuckles. From different parts of the bar, only this knock and cries of “Uyba, one-one and kaz'ol” were heard. So several blessed days passed. We weren't in a hurry. The absence of wives and children gave us a happy opportunity to rest as the soul asked. We even went on one tour. True, it was an evening excursion called “Crawling through the bars”, which was conducted by a wonderful multilingual guide, originally from Chernivtsi, named Alik.
But all good things come to an end. One evening, Gleb remembered the purpose of our visit, looked up from the table, looked around the bar and noticed a flock of pretty girls in the corner, made us get up and go up to them. The girls, in response to his ominous tirade, grimaced in disgust and said that we were the last ones on the list of those they wanted to meet. And all because, apparently, we are listless scoops who are not interested in anything except drinking and pensioner dominoes. And tonight they are going to the best disco on Bar Street in order to get acquainted with lively and active Italians. That was a sobering punch in the gut. They were right.
It was decided to shake off laziness and bliss and return to the search for a maiden for L....
For starters, we went to the same disco as the girls from the hotel. We lit it there so that we still remember it with delight. I personally twisted on the table and finally stepped on someone's pizza. By the way, “our” girls huddled along the wall, unsuccessfully repelling the attacks of Turkish youths, mowing down like Italians. (They later apologized to us for the harshness)
The next day we rented a beautiful white speedboat and a beige convertible. (Marmaris is one of the few places in the world where they rent a boat without a skipper and do not ask for a license). During the day, we ironed the surface of the Marmaris bay on this boat, sometimes impudently mooring to tourist scows, ostensibly to replenish beer supplies. The real goal was different. We invited all the women on board to leave the dull life and share with us an incendiary voyage. We got lucky almost immediately. Two lovely women of the right age timidly came down to our deck and we swam. Lovely, beautiful women with kind eyes aged 30 - 37. Just what you need. But L. . . is an idiot. And I'm an idiot. And Glebets too. Because talking while driving was quite problematic, L… decided to entertain the ladies in a different way. He stated that he had always dreamed of riding a boat on a rope. I stopped the course, untied the anchor from the cable, L... wound this cable around my hand and jumped overboard. I moved the throttle as far forward as possible and we rushed. The spectacle was unforgettable. Almost immediately, L… lost his underpants and his 120-kilogram carcass fervently galloped through the waves, sparkling with a snow-white backside. As it turned out later, he instantly realized that it was a bad idea. But he couldn’t unhook, and he couldn’t shout to me, because. because of the crazy speed, water flowed into his mouth. At some point, I slowed down to light a cigarette, and then L... cleared his throat and yelled. We hardly lifted him on board, he staggered forward and fell exhausted on the front hood of the boat. Glebets sat behind the wheel. And he also drowned. The boat, having received a load on the bow, stopped gliding and rushed forward desperately bouncing. L... sprawled on the hood, clutching the mooring bollards with his hands and feet, while yelling that he would tear Glebts's head off when he stopped. Gleb, logically answered him that in this case it makes no sense for him to stop and drove on. It is worth considering that L... was lying on the hood head first in the form of the letter X and the ladies surveyed with horror his powerful bare mid-legs. When we landed on the shore, they hurriedly said goodbye and we did not see them again. Unfortunately, this is where the suitable women ran out. Those. we met them, but they were either with their husbands and children, or they were going to fly away tonight. Free were only ladies over sixty or girls who, at best, were 20 years old. And away we go. It is, of course, good when a person is 19 years old, but for us it was a difficult test. We honestly rode different girls on a boat and in a convertible. We, left alone with them, tried to keep up absolutely delusional conversations about some kind of Tanka, a stupid dean, cool iPhones, etc. During these conversations, which often lasted until four in the morning, one had to drink a lot and smoke a lot. We also gave them some golden trinkets and pretty soon gained fame as cheerful generous dudes who are fun to be with. In short, there was no end to the young maidens, but it was all wrong...
Suddenly, we fell in love with the beach, aging fight, which gritted me on the first day. He perfectly saw our frills on the boat and probably bit his elbows, realizing how much money he lost by refusing to rent his equipment to us.
One day, when we were lying exhausted on the beach and another girl cutely tried to teach us mysterious card games called “Ras 3.14 here”, and “Metrostroevsky goat”, this beach gundos approached us with a tempting offer. He said that he was ready to provide us with a long, roomy boat, with a skipper, for only $50. And this is from everyone and for the whole day. I, realizing that there is a catch, asked him to describe what would be included in this amount. He said $50 included everything, including gas and unlimited booze on board. It was quite suspicious and I asked him to continue. He told us that we are such cool and funny yeomen, we will sit in this boat of his, always with the girls and we should get drunk on board. (You must drink). Thinking that he mixed up the English verbs, I asked him again - can we get drunk? (We can get drunk? ) He insisted that we and the girls should just use kerosene. And he continued: “We will bring you to a wild beach, you and the girls are there..... , and we will look at it with the skipper. ” It was the pinnacle of relaxation. I don't know how we didn't kill him.
Really really wanted to go home. To the children. To my wife. Probably, many middle-aged married men, somewhere in the depths of their souls, dream of having such a rest. So that without wives, but with friends, so that the budget is unlimited, so that the girls are present even on the plane on the way back. But it's all good day. Well, two. And then you realize that it is both boring and hard and uninteresting. So, at least for L... a wife was not found, but they gained invaluable experience.
Unfortunately, the format of the site does not allow me to describe all the funny episodes. There were many. But, it seems to be so good.
P. S. Sorry I don't post enough pictures. There are, in principle, few of them and they are either of the same type or categorically not suitable for publication on TurPravda.
